Blast from the Past

My high school graduation picture that my grandfather just sent me. Gotta love the tie dye. And it is one of the few pictures of my previously long hair that I actually like. It wasn't usually like that. It was usually piled on top of my head in a big mess and quite icky. I must have just washed it.

Break out the 60s music.
This blast from the past brought to you by the letter H for hippie.

"You're Like the West Coast" - an MCS Safe Aspie Meeting

At 5 am on Friday night/Saturday morning, I was just finishing up an IM conversation that I had been having with a friend all night. Just as I was about to sign off, he asks me "So, do you want me to come visit?"

I told him he should have asked me several hours ago when I could think more clearly! :) But, nevertheless, I pondered it, and decided, why not? As long as he followed my rules (that I need to protect myself because of MCS), which he accepted beforehand, and he was game for a 6 hour ride just to visit me for a few hours - why not? I'm not usually into spur of the moment decisions, but I desperately, desperately needed some novelty and excitement in my life after two months of nothingness, so I said why not?

And of course I was flattered that someone wanted to drive six hours to see me for only a few hours. My friend Eric is from the DC Aspie group I used to go to; I knew him only online and only for a few months, but thought it would be fun, and of course I did want to meet him.

So, he drove six hours from DC through Pennsylvania, stopping at a cheap ($36) hotel in a small PA town along the way, and got here around 3:30pm today. He is very into travel and adventure, and has in the last few months taken weekend trips to Boston and even California, so now he can add New York to the list.

He was nice enough to stop and get me some groceries at the grocery store, including Odwalla, which I have been out of for weeks. It was 55 degrees out today, which was one reason that I suggested doing it today and thought it might actually work (the first suggestion was yesterday, which wouldn't have been enough time, or as good of a weather day). It was even sunny by the time he got here; it had seemed like it would rain until then. We went on a walk through town, and he brought his camera so that we could get pictures of the town. When he gets them on the computer, I can post them here and show everyone, finally, especially my family who I am sure are interested to see, what Liberty looks like! Hmm, I just realized we didn't start taking pictures to midway through, though, so missed a few things. Oh well.

We went to the graveyard, but it was blocked by snow! First time that has happened - usually the snow is packed down enough to walk on easily, but the warm weather had melted it and made it slushy. We found a way though, though, and walked a little ways up to where we had a great view of the sunset over Liberty. Pretty colors. He was nervous about the ice and I was nervous about the snow (don't like getting my feet wet, but am used to slippery surfaces), so that was kind of funny.

When we got back, we sat on the porch for two hours listening to 60s music off his Ipod. Can you imagine, two 20 somethings who love 60s music? I don't find many of them. He brought rugelah and challah from Whole Foods - I did a google search the night before to find out where to get Jewish food in DC, and the options were limited, apparently - but I was told Whole Foods would have it. And they did. Surprisingly, the raspberry rugelah was out of this world. When you bite into it, it is flaky, buttery but not too buttery, a burst of sugar and cinamon, and an explosion of raspberry flavor in a pastry that melts in your mouth. That is exactly how rugelah should be. I was hoping for a cinamon kind but raspberry is all they had; and it was fine. Another true mark of good food is when it's a flavor you don't even really like but it's still excellent.

The challah as expected was rather tasteless, but that's okay, as I was more than happy with the rugelah. It seems to be difficult to make a good challah. Most grocery stores have terrible challah. So, anyway, it was a great mood because we were sitting and relaxing on the porch eating Jewish food and listening to the Adam Sandler Hanukkah song on his IPod speakers, and then we even said the Hanukkah prayer. A belated Hanukkah mini celebration. (He's Jewish too.)

Then he broke out the 60s songs and he had lots of good ones. He says he has 60,000 songs on his IPod. We heard everything from Herman's Hermits to the Supremes and I Hear a Symphony; the Beatles, the Stones, Ooh Child, Ride Captain Ride, If You're Going to San Francisco, even Uncle John's Band by the Grateful Dead and a special Jewish version of it - someone singing it while replacing half the verses with a Shabbat prayer. We sang half of American Pie, heard Whoopie We're All Going to Die (the Fixing to Die Rag), and filled up on our Woodstock. It's nice to sit on a porch on a warm winter evening and sing songs at the top of your lungs. Two Jewish Aspie hippies, I suppose.

After two hours, I went for more food and came back with NYC lox my dad had sent me. He really appreciated it, said he loved lox, and that it was some of the best if not best lox he had ever had. Said you can't get lox like that in DC - probably true. I also was glad to give him the rest of my Trader Joe's junk food stash as I had had my fill of it - was good, but ate enough! - chocolate covered pretzels, blueberries and raspberries sticks. Also, some of the chocolate covered truffles from TJ, which he also properly appreciated.

I forgot the first part I was going to mention.

When he got here, he said to me, after I had gone upstairs to bring some of the groceries up and get him the chocolates, "You're like the West Coast - it takes a while to get there but it's more than worth the wait." I do believe that is the most creative compliment anyone has ever given me, and I think it's beautiful. He was referring to the fact that it took me a while to come back, but the chocolates were more than worth it. :) Or perhaps he could have been referring to the drive to Liberty and meeting me in general, who knows. I even gave him a card with a picture of a cockroach on it that said "Cockroach Droppings." This is because he likes cockroaches, thinking that both them and Aspies are misunderstood; likes it as a symbol. In Montana, they have "moose dropping" candies in stores everywhere, so I was copying that and thought it was quite funny.

He left around 7:30, so about four hours after he got here. It was definitely warm enough to sit on the porch comfortably, which is what made it possible. The last half hour or so did get a little chilly, but not too much, and it was warm until then. So, then, I managed to do a meet-up with someone without compromising my health and sanity by allowing a scented person in my apartment, yet still have fun with them and not inconvenience them. Porches can be wonderful things! 55 degree weather in December is a rare treat. I realized I never have spent much time in my life just sitting on porches and talking to people. Usually it is either too cold or too hot. So, a nice experience.

Good to finally accomplish a goal of finally having someone come visit me. Hope it continues.
And hope he has a safe drive home tonight.

And I am majorly obsessed with rugelah now and plan to ask my NYC relatives to bring some when they come.

Will post pictures when I get them!

Kate

Christmas lessons about sensory integration

I am going to kill someone if I hear one more reference to Jesus, angels, stables, come all ye faithful, or anything else remotely related to Christmas.

Which means I can't turn the radio on. Which is somewhat difficult.

Luckily, I have had online radio on all night and it has saved at least part of my sanity. Thank God for online stations. Okay, wait, who's bringing God into this?

I am so braindead I can't believe what I did. My computer froze and I had to reboot it. Hate when that happens. So while I was waiting, I thought I'd surf the radio dial to see how many different Christmas songs I would hear, and maybe do a summary of them or something. Instead of music, however, when I started surfing, I heard voices. A movie. Something decidedly non music. It turned out it was a radio drama. Not a book on tape but like a real movie, only on the radio. I thought that was kind of cool. Since I can't watch movies or TV anymore, I am a sucker for the human voice, I guess. The radio drama drew me in. I had no idea what it was about or what it was, but it sucked all my attention. I couldn't focus or think about anything else but the voices on the radio. Now, in some cases, this is a good feeling, because, you know, it means you're relaxed and all that jazz. But. This wasn't a good feeling.

So I continued to listen. It was like watching a movie, only listening to it on the radio. I am well aware this was the primary form of entertainment in the olden days, radio dramas, before TV came about. So, I felt like I was paying homage to the past or something like that. I figured it must be some kind of Christmas story on the religious station, but it wasn't overtly religious at first.

Well, it got religious pretty fast, but at first it wasn't. Something about a kid who had no name and he's traveling to Bethlehem to find out who his family is. Not a kid, a 30 yr old. He was raised by a merchant who found him on the side of the road. (At first I thought this must mean he was Jesus, but apparently not.) So he goes to Bethlehem to find out the truth. Turns out 30 yrs ago there was a big massacre, and all the infant sons were killed. Still not sure why. I think it's because the sheperds told everyone the son of God had been born and the king was afraid of competition, so he killed all the infant babies. Seriously. That's what they said.

So, everyone hated the shepards because their news made the king kill everyone. When this guy, called Anom because he has no name (I'm assuming short for anonymous), comes and shows this blanket that he was born with everyone gets really mad and tells him to get the hell out. Because the blanket talks about Jesus, whose name was responsible for all the babies getting killed.

So then he goes to see the shepards. They tell him the full story. The sheperd knew his dad so yada yada many stories about that. He finally finds out his name. It's Steven. (Guess he wasn't Jesus after all.) Then he's about to leave town having filled his mission, but he gets word that Jesus is in town performing miracles. So he goes back to the sheperd. Jesus comes, they're all amazed, wanna hear his words of wisdom, yada yada. That's the point at which I stopped listening.

I can't figure out if the story would have made more or less sense if I was better acquainted with the actual Christmas story, Bible, etc. It took place in Israel though. Yay Israel. Seems weird to me that all the Christmas stuff took place in a Jewish state. But whatever. I'm really not religious at all.

In fact, since I hate religion and Christmas so much, I can't figure out why I listened to that for an hour. When I had other things I really wanted to be doing. It destroyed my concentration. It was the first time in two days I felt able to get things done. I was about to do so. But then that came on and out the window went my concentration.

In fact, it put me in a state of sensory overload. Apparently, that's not hard to do these days. I think I am suffering from a combination of sensory overload and sensory deprivation. You might think those are contradictory, and opposites, but when you think about it, not really. If you read about the theory of sensory integration, you know that people need the exact right amount of stimulation to thrive and be able to function. People with sensory problems either are too sensitive to stimuli and need less, or too undersensitive and don't get enough. But the two are not mutually exclusive. Everyone needs the right *kind* of stimuli to be able to function. Some examples of stimuli that are good for most people are: talking to another human being, interacting with another human being, various physical movements or exercise, visual stimuli as in not seeing the same four walls every minute of every day, gustatory stimuli (taste, eating); intellectual stimuli; and all other kinds that can be felt through the five senses.

Everyone is different in how much is enough and optimal. But I think when you live alone, don't talk to people very much, can't go hardly anywhere, have a very limited diet, and do pretty much the same one or two activities every day, you are losing brain cells and connections, unfortunately. Your brain is losing the ability to do a wider amount of activity and handle and process a larger amount of activity or stimuli that it once did. And you are more apt to feel "turned off," or brain dead, or just plain blah. Because you're not getting enough stimuli.

At the same time, you can be very over-responsive to the stimuli you do have: music, smells, the feel of clothing, even the thoughts in your head. If you go out, you can easily be overstimulated by people, conversation, cars wooshing around you, the smell of exhaust, smells in the environment, multitasking, and yes, the thoughts in your head.

So I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Except to say that it appears that having too little stimuli not only leaves you feeling far less than your best and somewhat non-functional at times, but it also makes you far, far more reactive to stimuli when you do get it. And I think that's a really bad combination. Hmm. I can't say this would be true for everyone. But I think it would be. Because while most autistic people like to be alone a good part of the time, and to control their environment and not have too much sensory stimulation, there is a difference between being "alone" and in a calm environment and being able to relax and be happy because you have the optimal amount of stimulation, and between having a calm environment but still feeling blah because you don't have enough stimulation. And I think anyone who got far less than their ideal amount of stimulation would eventually lose some of their ability to deal with more.
It's like pruning brain cells or something. You have to use them, or you'll lose them. Theoretically, you could probably get them back and retrain the brain cells, but it would probably be hard and distressing.

I can't tell if it's that theory or a chemical reaction or something else that is making me feel so non functional and completely brain fogged and out of it most of the time. But it is an extremely frustrating feeling.

Back to our Christmas story as it is relevant. So, as I was listening to this crazy overly religious radio story, my mind was reacting to the emotion and tone of the narrator's voices, and wanting more. It wanted the emotional connection of listening to nuanced human voices. So I listened.
(I do think that is why movies used to overwhelm me so much. Before the physical problems of movie watching started. The actors were too nuanced; too much sensory and emotional information; between that and the music, it was an emotional roller coaster.)

Then I thought to myself, well Gosh, I haven't watched a movie in so long, maybe if I lie down I can get into this story and be able to relax for once, and it will be like watching a movie, even if it is about Christmas. So I debated it for a few minutes and decided to try. But I was overwhelmed when I lied down and listened to it. Who knew you could get sensory overload from lying in a bed listening to the radio? It is so hard to explain. But I couldn't relax. The voices on the radio overwhelmed me. The music, the nuances of the voices, trying to follow the words and the story, it was too much. Perhaps it is harder to process information when in a less alert state such as being prone. Sometimes I swear I have an overload just sitting in an empty quiet room. Perhaps it is my thoughts and feelings, my worries, and my sensory interpretation of say, the clothes on my skin, the way the air feels and smells, and so on. But all I can say is, damn, sensory integration problems are a real challenge, to put it mildly, when you can feel overwhelmed in an empty room. I am beginning to hate it.

So, I listened for an hour, giving it a try, thinking, hey, at least I'm doing something different than being on the computer. I tried to go back on the computer when I got up. I had two important things I wanted to do. But I couldn't. I had lost all focus and concentration, and the brain fog had taken over again. I was so frustrated. I had some ideas for writing that I have wanted to follow up on, but I couldn't. The hours when I am functional enough to do anything seem way too few and far between, and my worrying about how and when I'm going to be functional enough to do anything sometimes seems out of control. Even though I use every mental strategy in my disposal to control them, sometimes it's not enough when you really don't have anything else to focus on.

I want to get things done so I will feel meaningful and useful and productive. So I will feel some kind of worth. But then I think to myself, you know, how long again until my problems overtake me? How long until I have to give up the ploy that my life is you know worth something?
Why try so hard. It's just so frustrating to have so many problems that affect every single area of your life almost every single minute of the day. You try and try to just overcome it and not think about the things that bother you and not be overwhelmed and be productive anyway. So that you can you know be a not miserable person and try to find some value in your life and keep living life even though you don't really want to. Because one really has no choice; one has to live the life they have; opting out is not an option. But is just so hard, and so frustrating. Especially when things go wrong. I have found I have a very low stress tolerance for anything going wrong. If I prepare for it, of course, I can usually handle it; (hence the success of "social stories" used in autism); I can handle quite a lot, it seems, given adequate time to prepare for it. But it's the things that strike you out of the blue that really put you in a million pieces until you can figure out how to reassemble them again.

So I say in closing then that the lack of any meaningful stimulation is getting to me and perhaps all the negative stimulation of my problems is getting a bit much. I sincerely hope I can find some kind of positive stimulation to distract from problems soon, which could only come in the form of someone visiting me and opening my world a little so I can get beyond the confines of Main Street. There are several MCS people who have said they want to visit me and will try to visit me, but in two months it has not yet happened. I can only hope it will soon. I can't imagine how much I will appreciate being in a car again and seeing scenery that is not downtown Liberty again. Not to mention communication, conversation, and food that hopefully tastes good. If, of course, I am not too overwhelmed by such things to enjoy them, which I hope I will not be.

One person told me she might be able to visit after January 4. One person has told me she would visit for six weeks now. She "might" over break. Another said they would come this weekend but with no details planned or further email to communicate, I doubt it. One is most likely going to come January 20 when she drops her daughter off at school, but that is a long time away.

Oh, and there's another potential opportunity that I met recently, but she keeps saying she will call me and hasn't yet. I mean, I know it's the holidays, people are busy, I don't blame her. But I will be really happy if she does, and if we get along. And I am finding it hard to be patient. And would like something to look forward to. How hard it is to be motivated to do anything and to have a positive attitude and overcome challenges when you don't have anything to look forward to!

Especially since I seem to not be able to eat any of the food I used to enjoy without adverse reactions, when, of course, I can even get said food, finding something I enjoy is becoming quite a bit more difficult.

I do of course take walks every day, and the stimulation and excercise is usually invigorating, and at least temporarily puts me into a much better mental state, cognitively and emotionally. I wouldn't be able to survive this pseudo-imprisonment (yes, I know, it's a chemically safe place, mostly, and I am thankful for that, but it doesn't make not having a life all that much easier) if I didn't take walks every day. Even when it's raining or snowing or sleeting or 10 degrees or whatever. I have gone out for at least 10-15 minutes every day (on the worst of days), and usually more like 30 or 40 if the temperature is closer to 30. And I do go to the natural food store, so I have somewhere to go at least, it's a lot better than nothing, but , there is obviously not a lot to do there, and it would just be nice to have something else. And of course they are closed Thursday through Sunday for Xmas, so, the lack of stimulation will be staggering.

Now excuse me while I try to solve half a dozen problems before I go to sleep. At least I'll probably get up late enough that the Xmas music SHOULD be over by then. By 6 at the latest I am sure. What a relief that will be. And if I'm really lucky hopefully I will be able to get the stuff I was going to do tonight done tomorrow. Ya know, if I've managed to keep my sanity that long.
I did start it at least, before that show came on. And writing this did make me feel slightly better.

I hate Christmas.

Kate

Snow, Snow and More Snow

Skiing to work in the Midwest


Digging out in Portland, Maine

It seems like the whole country is getting pummeled with snow from coast to coast. This is one of the few times I am glad I am not in Maine. They have gotten at least a foot of snow or more in the last storm, along with up to 50 mph winds and single digit temperatures. The town of Eustis, Maine, a small town in western Maine, got THREE AND A HALF FEET. Woah. I tried valiantly to find decent pictures of it, but failed. Portland broke a record with 14 inches. I don't think 14 inches sounds like a record; I could have sworn we got more when I was a kid, but who knows.

All of Seattle has been shut down, as well as Portland, Oregon and most of New England. We only got about maybe 6 inches on Friday and 4 on Sunday; not that much here. Glad for that.

Snow, snow, go away, come back another day! (Or don't.)

Kudos to 102.1, Paper Angels

Two weeks ago or so I sent 102.1 a VERY long email praising their station. Yea, I couldn't restrain myself. :) At the end of this very long email I told them they had the most tasteful Xmas music selection I had ever heard, but the one thing that would make it perfect was for them to play Paper Angels by Jimmy Wayne, a heart-tugging wonderfully sentimental song that came out maybe 3-4 yrs ago and was hardly played at all. I sent them the video for it in my email.

I didn't hear back from them, not that I really expected to but it would have been nice, and didn't hear the song. Until now. I was just looking up people on Facebook when I heard the opening notes and immediately knew what it was. Love that feeling. Wasn't the studio version, though. It had a live, off feel to it. What do you want to bet they played it off the You Tube video I sent them!!

I could google the video to check but I was on my way to doing something useful, lol.

Kudos to them, now I have to email them to thank them. Maybe they'll respond to a shorter email?

Funny thing is they had a live show earlier tonight, classic country, and I called, and since they were playing Xmas music I was going to request this (but they said no requests). Turns out I didn't have to; it must have been a psychic request or something.

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lAgP6JsDPE

Watch it, it's the most beautiful song you'll hear this holiday season.

Remember listening to this on WPOC, WFRE, WMZQ....I think WMZQ had it on for like ten days in a row on their Country Challenge or whatever it was, and I kept going to weird places in Hoffeburger to try to get reception to it. I loved this song when it came out. Now my holiday season is complete: "Grandma," So this is XMas, Christmas Shoes, AND Paper Angels.
Plus one Hanukkah song on Top Shelf.

After every day-after-Thanksgiving sale the malls just ain't complete
Without a bunch of decorations and a paper angel tree
There's artificial tree limbs
Saying what she'd love to have and what to buy for him

Well I hope Maggie likes her new winter clothes and her buggy with a baby doll
And maybe Tom'll smile in his new Nike shoes when he shoots that basketball
I can't help but wishing that I could do more
But not just while I'm shopping in the department store

Paper angels you're in my thoughts and prayers
No matter where you are right now remember God's right there
He's asking all of us to help take care
Of his paper angels everywhere

Going through the mail almost every afternoon I see a Mom and Dad's worst dream
There on the back of a money-saving ad to get my carpet cleaned
Height, weight, hair, eyes, date missin, and DOB
A child's name, picture, and the words 'have you seen me?'

Paper angels you're in my thoughts and prayers
No matter where you are right now remember God's right there
He's asking all of us to help take care
Of his paper angels everywhere

His documented bruises fill a folder in a file
She's a second grade self-portrait drawn without a smile
And every town is littered with this kind of debris
We've got to stop this madness and it's up to you and me

Paper angels you're in my thoughts and prayers
No matter where you are right now remember God's right there
He's asking all of us to help take care
Of his paper angels everywhere

Happy Hanukkah, Drink Your Gin and Tonneka

All right, I thought I'd write a post about the snow. Or something.

Right now I am talking to someone about how call letters make better imaging than stupid radio names. And listening to annoying Xmas music on the radio. That is strangely not as annoying as I thought it would be. And tonight I was able to send out Hanukkah greetings on the radio; haha New York accent when they answered, how come everyone else in this town doesn't have what I would call a New York accent, but both radio stations I've called, they have? It doesn't come out when they're on the air, but it hits you over the head when you call them on the phone. It's like they're speaking a different language or something. It's so....New York, lol. Perhaps all radio DJs here come from the city? Who knows.

Anyway, they said they wanted to play me a Hanukkah country song but they didn't know of any. I have to admit I was hard pressed to suggest one. It would have been easier if it was an oldies station. (PSS, VOS!) I should call them. If they would ever answer. See if I could get them to play Peter Paul and Mary's "Light One Candle" on the radio.

Top Shelf Oldies did play me a Hanukkah song last night, actually. Don't know what but it kept repeating something about the eight days of lights so figured it was related.

SUCCESS! I have found a Hanukkah country song. And thank God I got to turn it off. Wow, her voice hurts my ears. Somehow I've never been so fond of yodeling. Just not my thing.
But you have to give her points for creativity. A country singer singing about being a country girl at heart except for "just one thing" she likes that MAZEL TONK. Ya know, like honky tonk except with a Mazel in front of her. I think it's the new greeting for people in hick towns: "Mazel Tonk!"

See for yourself:
http://www.myspace.com/brigidkaelin
Scroll down to second player and click on Blue Dreidel or Mazel Tonk.

Or how about an intepretation of Woody Guthrie Hanukkah songs?
http://www.amazon.com/Woody-Guthries-Happy-Joyous-Hanukkah/dp/B000H30BS6

Okay, I give up! There is no such thing as a good Hanukkah song. I think I have to admit it. Why can't there be? Oh yeah. No (or almost no) Jewish country singers.

Sigh.

****

Okay, we now return you to your originally scheduled programming. Specifically ,snow. Yes. We got about six inches on Friday and maybe three or four inches today. Not sure cus it was plowed when I got up, but wasn't Friday. The front yard had six inches of fresh snow when I went out for my walk on Friday. So, finally seeing the need for boots, I went to try out the pair A had given me when she told me I would "absolutely, without question" need boots and I said I wouldn't because they plow. I only wear boots in fresh unplowed snow. Well, surprisingly, to my amazement, the boots were actually comfortable. They are the first comfortable boots I have worn in my entire life. I usually do not wear boots because it just plain hurts too much to wear them. I always had the stiff plastic kind that your foot can't move around in. These are, I think, leather, and just like a slipper, they're so comfortable. I have never been able to move around in and walk in snow so easily in my life! I have never been able to enjoy walking in snow. Those six inches of snow were nothing with my new SuperBoots.

The sounds of the season are all around us. No, not the Xmas music, although that is too.
The sound of plows in the middle of the night or late evening (never, it seems, in the daytime when people would most want them); the sound of children playing and yelling with excitement; the sound of shoveling. Today when I got up I saw two cute little kids sledding in our front yard. Apparently the snowbanks were high enough for them to do so. Actually , they weren't that high, as I saw when I went for my walk, but high enough to sled on on, I guess.

Snow I can take, cold temperatures even, but I really hate this wind.

Happy Hanukkah to all. Light a virtual menorah for me.

Kate

Seen and Heard in New York

All right, it's been a few days since my last entry, so this means I have to find something to write about. Hmm. That will be interesting to do.

We are supposed to get uber snow tomorrow and I hope we don't.

Here are some funny things seen and heard lately:

1. I got my birth control pills from the pharmacy on Tuesday. When I opened then, I noticed a very bizarre bright orange warning label. It said, in big, bold letters, "DO NOT SMOKE."
I had to laugh. That's a new one. Who in the world would ever try to smoke birth control pills?? Is that even possible? Is it common enough to merit a warning label? Sheesh!

Well, damn. That doesn't sound nearly as funny after I googled it. It turns out you're not supposed to smoke cigarettes if you take birth control. (I don't.) I would have never made that connection in a million years, though. Couldn't they have made the warning label a little more informative? As in "DO NOT SMOKE TOBACCO?" Otherwise I bet a lot of other people won't make the connection either. Unless specifically told by a doctor or something.

2. The morning show DJ said "Oy." Only in New York or other similarly Jewish areas, I am sure, would you ever hear a DJ on the radio say "Oy." Oy, did it bring a smile to my face! Ha . The morning show is usually boring as hell, they never have anything remotely interesting to say and their delivery is horrible. But he was going through some long list of community events and then at the end of one, I forget the context, he said, with feeling and inflection, a long drawn out "Oyy!" Yeah. I like those little things that remind me of where I am. Idiosynchracies.

I wish they would stop talking about the impending storm on the radio, speaking of the radio. It's getting old already.

3. Hanukkah display in the window of the art gallery. Lots of tasteful blues and whites on pottery on other items. I like that they have a Hanukkah display here, that it is a Jewish enough place to do so. Not something you would be likely to see in Portland.

4. Notes on people watching at the health food store: On Monday, when I was there for approximately two hours after my appt, I saw three people come in, each very unique in their own way. The first was an English woman with a British accent. The new woman who has been working in the office part time asked her if she was Australian. The woman replied "You were close, only about 30,000 miles (or however much it was) away." She did have a nice accent.

The second person was the first black person I have yet seen in six weeks at the health food store! Score one for breaking stereotypes, lol. He was a middle aged, well spoken gentleman.

The third person was a woman and cute two little girls and baby son. The girls were animated and running all over the store. She said she had never given them sugar before, so they never
wanted it; they were actually begging her for health food. Not a bad tactic when they're young, I guess, if you can do it.

Then today, I wondered if I might see someone else interesting in there to complete this entry that I was planning to write. And lo and behold, after I had been there for about half an hour and was in the back talking to J, who should come in? A Hassidic Jew! Ha! My first Hassidic Jew! I saw him out of the corner of my eye come in and I was like "Oh my gosh." Like out of a movie or something. He was very large/chubby/lots of stomach mass, and was dressed very formally in all black. He had a huge yamulke (how do you spell that? yamaka is how it's pronounced) on his head, much bigger and slightly differently shaped than the ones I've seen, I think; and a HUGE grey beard that went all the way down to his chest and could have fit several birds in it if it was used for a nest. :) Biggest beard I've ever seen. There is a HJ community in the next town over, and I've heard there are a lot here in the summer.

Okay, so I just googled Hassidic Jews and came up with the following interesting items:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crown_Heights_Riot
There was a fatal riot in Crown Heights, NYC in 1991; there were a lot of tensions between Hassidic Jews and black people. A Jewish person accidentally ran over a black child, and as he was trying to get out of the car to help the child, angry black people lunged for him and tried to kill him. An ambulance came for him before the child, which only made people madder, and angry violent riots against Jewish people continued for days. Wow! I didn't know something like that still happened in modern time. Sobering. However, it says that relations between the two groups greatly improved after this incident.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/08/nyregion/08principal.html?_r=4&th&emc=th&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
and

http://allsteim.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/when-a-hasidic-jew-becomes-the-principal-of-a-latino-populated-school-with-a-history-of-violence/

All the more relevant for the above two articles I found about a Hassidic Jewish man brought into be the principal of a failing, violent, falling apart, mostly Hispanic and black Bronx public high school, and succeeded beyond anyone's wildest expectations where five previous principals had failed. Very inspiring article.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/09122008/news/regionalnews/hasid_lust_cause_128750.htm

Finally, we have an article about Hassidic Jews complaining that woman who ride bikes through their town/neighborhood are dressed too skimpily and this offends their sensibilities.

I also found some Yahoo Sullivan county recycling (giving away free stuff) and a Liberty Bike Trail website (there's a bike trail?? Could someone have told me this, I don't know, six weeks ago?) while I was searching for information about Loch Sheldrake, which is the Hassidic Jewish community near us.

Behold the power of Google. You never know where it will take you.

And that is the news for today.

Kate

Doctor's appt on Monday

I have an appt with a holistic family doctor (an MD) on Monday. She used to be a conventional doctor and even an ER doctor and then got into holistic medicine. I am hoping she can help me solve the MCS mystery or help with some of my other symptoms.

I spent way way too long tonight trying to edit and redo my symptom list that I had used for the last dr's appt I had, which was with a conventional dr in June. There wasn't anything to change, really, just a couple new things to add, but I got all obsessive about the way things were worded and tried to make it perfect and also started "daydreaming" (wrong word, daydreaming implies something pleasant) about things it brought up, plus had to send to a friend to convert to a Word document, so yeah it took a long time. About 90 minutes. When all I really did was add two paragraphs, lol. I hope it helps, whatever.

I will put the first section on here but leaving off all the others. See, I do have an ability to write about things in a non emotional way. I just don't use it often :) Ha, ha. I was trying to be all clinical and third person.

*******

When patient walks into most buildings, especially those with carpet, wood floors with certain kinds of finishes, new paint, new carpet, any recent construction with chemicals used in the process, or harsh cleaning chemicals recently used, patient experiences the following symptoms:

A feeling of blacking out; eyes stinging; nose stinging; whole body stinging; loss of consciousness of all else; nothing but awareness of whole body pain and loss of any neurological or cognitive function. This happens in highly varying degrees depending on the substance exposed to; some can tolerate for a few minutes and are OK with fresh air after, others (majority) cannot tolerate at all. Symptoms start within seconds of exposure.

The following also cause these symptoms to a lesser, but still very impairing, degree: perfumes, colognes, most scented personal care products including and especially antibacterial soap, and most other things with a chemical and/or scented base to them. Immediate effects are stinging eyes, nose, head, emotional irritability, and loss of ability to focus or think.

Long term, lasting, secondary effects that last once patient has been removed from offending substances: Shortness of breath, chest tightness, head pressure, fatigue, varying amounts of brain fog.

******

Whee! Ain't that a barrel of laughs? I might take it off later if it gets too depressing to look at. The history is even more fun, not. Apparently I forgot to put New Hampshire on it . I was only there a week, but it still counts. I must have been brain dead when I made it...haha.

Okay, what the hell, I'll put the history too. This is comedy night at Chocolate, Music and Hope! Just a barrel of laughs. I should really stop thinking about this and go to bed. time to sleep. I really need to not think about this too much. See, that's the dang problem with seeking medical treatment, you need to think about your problems! Sounds funny, but I'm serious. Thinking is highly detrimenal to your health. I seriously might remove this because every time I look at it I get depressed and start thinking about everything that has happened. So read it while you can!


February 2006: first occurred in patient's final year of college. Subject had to leave college by April because of them.

April 2006-2007 was relatively stable as far as these symptoms were concerned. No significant problems. Patient lived in relatively scent free home at her father's and subsequently with a friend for a few months.

April 2007: Attempted to move into apartment of own. The attempt failed due to reaction to glue used to glue down a new laminate floor in the apartment.

June-July 2007: Tried another apartment (in Portland, Maine). A sweet, chlorinated smell was present; was significantly cognitively impaired while in apartment; had trouble thinking, focusing, holding a pen to write, talking on phone, doing anything much but sleeping. Spent most time outside and was fine there. Left and returned to parents' home in August.

September 2007: Moved to various relatives to avoid parents' painting house. Last one had new carpet. Significant brain fog and cog. impairment.

October 2007: Found third apartment in Portland. Whereas before my problems in apartments had been limited to cognitive impairment and usually cleared out as soon as exposed to fresh air, woke up after the first night in this apartment, which I knew I reacted to when I visited but thought would be tolerable, with a brain fog that did not go away all day outside or any other day. Felt dizzy, out of it, a million miles away. After a week, developed a chest tightness and/or shortness of breath that reminded me of, but apparently wasn't, experience of lung collapse at age 13. Never went away. Left after three weeks.

End of October and beginning of November 2007:
Began to notice trouble going into stores, which I hadn't had a problem with before then. Borders, where I had spent almost every night for three months for pleasure, became intolerable. Starbucks started bothering me. Going to a grocery store made me feel like I couldn't breathe for days after. One by one, in the three weeks, I lived in this apartment, I completely lost the ability to go into just about any store or building, which has only increased in the subsequent months.
Starting experiencing problems noted above just about anywhere I went, with few exceptions.
Note that my favorite thing in the world to do is to go into shops and especially experience the (to me) freedom of grocery shopping, so an explanation of sudden onset anxiety is unlikely, especially when compared with the timing of moving into third apartment which impaired me in a number of other ways.

November-December 2007: Visit to mom in Montana. Symptoms stayed more or less same; maybe worsening slightly.

January-March 2008: Back to Dad's in Maine. Sensitivity and reactivity increased after use of pet shampoo containing form of pesticide in the house. Among other things, sensitivity to wood smoke developed, seemingly out of nowhere.

April 2008: Tried to live in Vermont. Symptoms same.

May 2008: Returned to Montana. Some (one significant) new sensitivites developed in course of last two months; but mostly same.

November 2008: Moved sight unseen to Liberty, New York to live in an apt built for MCS people. Glad to have a place to live but tired of moving. Symptoms the same.

****

Kate is going to bed.

Grandma Got Run Over By a Maine Made Product

Grandma's downfall

Pineland, New Gloucester, Maine

Okay, so I have not written an entry in here in about five days, almost a week. So I think it is high time I did so.

The title of today's entry comes courtesy of two good things that happened today.

First, I FINALLY heard "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" on the radio. You wouldn't think that would be a difficult thing to do. In fact, most of you are probably hearing it every five minutes. Or have no desire to hear it whatsoever. Or haven't heard it since 1988. One or the other. But, Liberty is unique in many ways, few of them good, and one way they are unique is their protection of dear old Grandma and her egg nog. I heard Christmas Shoes. I heard part of "So This is Christmas" by John Lennon, on what station I'm still not sure... it was staticky and coming from another station that was not the one I was on, so I could barely hear it. Probably a classic rock or AC station. Couldn't find it. There is surprisingly no AC station here. None whatsoever. Most markets are drowning in them. Gee, what in the world do office workers here listen to? No elevator music to drown out the workday woes with, lol. And the first time in years I haven't heard an all Xmas station, since AC stations always go all Xmas. Not that I WANT one, but it was tradition. And I would have heard "So This is Xmas" and "Grandma" by now if I had one.

But I digress. 102.1 finally decided to let those reindeer out of the pen. Bye, Bye, Grandma. She had hoof prints on her forehead. Since this is Liberty, it only follows, the reindeer that ran over her? He was on a snowmobile. Wearing boots. Walking in the (plowed) graveyard. Haha.

When I was walking home from the health food store, they played it. It was VERY good timing since I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much had I heard it when home. It made me happy to hear and have the "Xmas Triad," that is, the only three Xmas songs I like, finally heard. It ain't Christmas without some kid who doesn't have enough change to buy shoes for his dying mother, Grandma getting run over by a reindeer, and John Lennon reminding us that this is for the weak and strong, rich and poor, black and white, yellow and red ones (Hmm, now where do I fit reindeer in there? Do hoofs count?)

Anyway, so you might ask, if any of you have actually got this far, which is somewhat doubtful but we won't tell Grandma, what Maine Made products have to do with this post.

The answer is, when I was at the health food store today, I was talking with J and M in the back room while they finished making soup. And I saw a box from "Pineland, New Gloucester, Maine." Pineland! Woohoo! Maine rules. Everywhere you go, you see Maine products. Everywhere. Just like "the south will rise up," this is "Maine will take over the nation." Or something. But seriously, when I was in Montana, I saw Stonewall Kitchen stuff everywhere (from Freeport, Maine), and now I'm in Liberty, NY and they have cheese from Pineland in New Gloucester. I just think that is too funny. I love it. So I told them that I had been to Pineland and I described it. It is a very beautiful place. It is a working farm with a huge visitor's center (including a gourmet chocolate shop and bakery inside, as well as lots of meeting rooms). You can get guided tours of the place. Which I did once. Lots of animals.

My Aspie group used to meet there. New Gloucester is not an easy place to get from, well, anywhere. Once we started heading towards NG and ended up in Brunswick. An hour or so in the OTHER direction. But hey, it was a lot more fun than the meeting, because no one showed up that day. Maybe they all got lost in other, opposite directions. It could be a new tourism program. "Try to find us! You'll get lost and see the world while doing so!"

The first time we ever met there, it was January and it was 60, maybe close to 70, degrees that day. Bizarrely warm weather. Needless to say, it was the first time I had been there, it had beautiful, exciting, huge green fields to wander in, it was the first warm day in months, and sitting in a meeting room wasn't exactly on the top of my list of priorities that day. So, I stayed in the meeting for maybe 30 minutes or an hour, and then left, and hung outside and had a ball. Then I found the gourmet chocolate shop and bakery. THAT was memorable. Somehow, I don't think I would have remembered the day so well if I had stayed inside the whole time. Playing with others is good most of the time, but sometimes you gotta take advantage of opportunities and enjoy yourself while you can.

So, good memories from Pineland. I should have asked to keep the box. Ha. Maybe not.

I just realized it stopped raining. Sometimes silence can be deafening. After hours of intense, loud rain, the silence is....very welcome, but somewhat odd. Hope it doesn't come back tomorrow. Most likely kids will have another snowday since they are predicting freezing rain. They predicted a few inches of snow and freezing rain today, but all we got was rain; and school was cancelled. For rain. Ha. Poor parents.

So, that, you all, is why I call this post "Grandma Got Run Over by Maine Made Products."

I leave you with this profound question:

Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

Animals Do the Darnedest Things

Isn't this cute? My stepmom's dog and our cat.... sleeping together. Who says foreign species can't co-exist? Who says we all have to fight like dogs and cats? They aren't :)
...And my dad sleeping in with the animals on his birthday. :)

Hope this brings a smile to your face, as it did mine.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: Learning to Accept Disability

When I was a kid, my curly, blonde hair was much celebrated in my family. As a result, my parents took great pains to find hairdressers that could do a good job cutting it. My dad and grandparents took me to a fancy salon in Philadelphia, and my mom was always changing hairdressers in Maine, trying to find the one that could give the perfect cut. Much discussion was devoted to who knew best how to cut curly hair.

I didn't much care about how I looked, but I grew up thinking that I had to go to a fancy salon in order to get a decent haircut; that something awful would happen to my hair if I didn't. What, I don't know, but that was what I thought. So, when I was in college and needed a haircut for the first time, I panicked a little. I didn't know where people on a more limited budget went for haircuts. I didn't know if they would "ruin" my hair, if there was something dreadfully wrong with going to just anyone. But, I soon found out, it was actually much easier going to places like Supercuts; you could go anytime you wanted to, and were generally in and out in 10 minutes. My hair always turned out fine. For a fraction of the price, too. I began to wonder how it could have possibly taken half an hour to cut hair before.

After I left college, or to be more exact, shortly before I left college, I developed something
called multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS). This made me extremely sensitive to all kinds of scented things, from perfumes, body lotions and shampoos to housing materials, new paints, cleaning materials and so on. I had to leave college because of it. I had to look for a place to live for two years, bouncing from place to place (around 12 or so in two years), because I reacted to things in every place I tried to live. I also had to find new and creative ways of getting a haircut.

At first, I decided I could keep going to SuperCuts if I was really quick about it, and waited outside for my turn; trying to call ahead to reserve a time if I could, and sometimes bringing different clothes to change into to wear there so my clothes wouldn't stink. And, of course, asking them to use nothing but water. That worked for a few times, but then I got so sensitive to the products they used and the other chemicals in the building that going there was no longer an option.

So, I looked on Craigslist to try to find someone who would come to my house to give me a haircut. And found one, only 5 minutes away, who did a great and smell free job cutting my hair, for a very reasonable price.

Then I moved to New Hampshire for a bit, and found a small, back to basics barber shop with wood floors and no chemical products used. That worked for that time, but then I had to move.

In Vermont, I found a more expensive stylist whose office I didn't react to.

By the time I got to Montana, though, I couldn't go just about anywhere, and after one disastrous attempt to go to a local barber shop there, I knew I needed a different solution. There was no way I could go into any kind of barbershop or haircutting place again, due to my increasing sensitivities.

I didn't know what to do, because due to the sensory issues that come with my autism, I can't stand the feeling of hair on my head past a certain (very short) length. But because of MCS, I couldn't go anywhere where I could get it cut. The two issues were diometrically opposed.

The solution came in the form of a new friend, a local taxi driver named Daffney. She offered to cut my hair for free, in a local park. Since it was summer and the weather was made for such an activity, and since she was scent-free, I gladly agreed. We sat on a picnic bench by the river and she did a great job.

Another six weeks went by, though (I usually get my hair cut every four to six weeks), and Daffney wasn't available to do another haircut. She suggested that I try cutting my own hair. At first I balked, saying no way! There's no way I could do that. Isn't cutting hair really....complicated? Isn't there a million ways you could mess up? I wouldn't even know where to start! But she kept saying, all you need is a comb and a mirror, it's easy. And so, one day, desperate for the hair to be off my head, I tried it. And it worked. In ten minutes, I had the hair off my head, standing on the porch on a beautiful summer day with a scissors and mirror. No clean up, since it was outside; no dealing with smelly environments or people; hardly any time expended. And it came out fine; when your only goal is to cut something as short as possible, then it's really hard to go wrong. I didn't care about style and would consider it a success if there were no (obvious) bald spots. I was so pleased with my new ability. I felt so free. I never had to worry about how I was going to get my hair cut again. I could do it myself. Anytime, anywhere. No depending on someone else or having to deal with poisonous chemicals to do it.
It felt like a milestone.

I did this once more before I left Montana, and six weeks later, in New York, I once again faced the same dilemma. I knew I could cut my hair, but it wasn't summer anymore, and I didn't have a porch. I didn't want to do it inside because I didn't know how I would clean up the hair.
So, after thinking about it for a bit, I decided to do it on the fire escape outside. I didn't have a mirror, which was a bit disconcerting at first, but I decided I didn't need a mirror. It was 25 degrees out and I worried my hands would freeze before I could finish cutting my hair; but I decided to just go for it. So, I climbed out on the fire escape in my coat, with my scissors, and just started cutting. Cutting everywhere I could feel hair, as fast I could, so I could go back inside where it was warm. Again, I figured the goal was to get the hair off the head, and who cared what it looked like. I was more concerned with being able to get enough hair off than getting too much; it was hard to reach certain parts and I didn't want to fail in that goal.

After maybe ten minutes, I went in and looked at my results. Well, it was a lot shorter than I had anticipated, and took a couple minutes to get used to; there was one spot sticking up in the back that I had to cut; but overall, I loved it. It was wonderful! It felt so good to be without hair to deal with on my head. I figured, I don't see hardly anybody in this town anyway, what do I care what it looks like?

I felt great for the rest of the afternoon because my hair felt and looked so good.

When you have a disability, you have to accomodate it, and change your life around it, in a multitude of different ways. At first you say to yourself, "But this is the way it has always been, what will happen if I do this in another way?" Kind of like finding a new and different kind of hair salon. And then after you've adjusted a bit and accomodated a bit, you find yourself having to accomodate more, and tweak more things, and find increasingly difficult ways to get around your disability. Eventually, though, like the haircut, you eventually get to a place where you go back to the basics and find very creative ways to accomodate your disability, and function in the world around you given your limitations. You may, for example, discover the almost primitive joy of cutting your own hair, watching it blow to the wind, and not being reliant on someone else to do it.

Eventually, as you become more self-reliant, you become proud of yourself for being able to handle so many things. You eschew society's conventions in favor of what actually works. And you learn to take joy in the simple things - like an imperfect haircut given to yourself on the fire escape of a cold December day. Disability makes you downsize, reshift priorities, and only keep what's important in your life. It makes you go back to the basics. And sometimes, although you want so much more, that can be a good thing.

Or, as Forrest Gump would say, life is like a series of haircuts.

The joy of Odwalla

So, F came today, and I managed to actually get up at 11:30 to meet her! Score one for me, I haven't gotten out of bed before 2 or 3 in weeks. I didn't know if I'd be able to. I didn't know what to do with all the daylight I had! :)

Note to self: not such a good idea to invite someone into your apt before smelling them, even if they too have MCS. They might just have mint gum, or some other distinct smell that wouldn't bother you if outside, but in a tiny apt, makes you worried about smell contamination. I think it's mostly gone now but it was not a pleasant experience to have to worry about that.

We went for a walk to the graveyard, which was easy to walk on as far as the top level, where we turned around (didn't go in the back though like I used to; was cold; still want to do that at some point, hopefully before we get more snow, which I hope won't happen for a while.)

Got some water at HF store. Luckily she wanted to go see J when we got back and I didn't have to figure out what I was going to do about not wanting her to come in the apt again.

So, after I finished or at least took a break from freaking out over the possible smell contamination, and had the window open for a while so it was much better, I drank some of the Odwalla.

Wooh, heaven on earth. The thick mixture of fruits and veggies had the perfect balance; sweet without being too sweet, tasty without being cloying. Immensely refreshing; the thick texture makes it all the more pleasing.

That is the first thing I have wanted and got since I got here that actually tastes as good as I remember it to.

The Trader Joe's stuff, not so good; the Good Food stuff, good, certainly, but not excellent;
the probiotic bars were almost as good as I remembered, but the Odwalla was every bit as good as I remembered, and the first truly pleasurable moment I have had since I got here. Even if it was just a moment. A moment is better than nothing. She got it at the Price Chopper in Middletown.

The probiotic bars are good as well, chewy and tasty, sweet without going overboard, a delicious berry taste, creamy topping, makes me feel somewhat more relaxed and alert afterwards. A little bit easier to digest for a snack.

I have to remember to see if Rite Aid has it; they probably don't, but it's possible.

So, between the Odwalla and probiotic bars, this is an extremely healthy, and extremely tasty, snack:

Odwalla:

Smooth and sweet, this gushing garden gulp is a blend of sweet apple juice and luscious purees of peach, mango, strawberry and banana, expertly blended with green foods including wheat grass, barley grass and wheat sprouts, plus other great stuff. Odwalla Superfood is an easy and tasty way to get a serving of fruit. The wide array of ingredients in this sweet and fruity blend, including 1,000 mg of spirulina per serving, provide goodly amounts of micronutrients vitamin C, iodine, manganese and potassium.
Micronutrients like vitamin c, iodine, potassium and others.

Ingredients:

Apple Juice, Peach, Mango, Strawberry and Banana Purees, Spirulina, Soy Lecithin, Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid), Wheat Grass, Barley Grass, Wheat Sprouts, Jerusalem Artichoke, Lemon Bioflavonoids and Nova Scotia Dulse.

Probiotic Granola bars:

"We blend whole grains, nuts and real fruit for a crunchy, chewy combination that's wholesome and satisfying! Fresh-fruit flavor and creamy yogurt-flavored coating is a healthy way to start the morning, but if you decide to enjoy it later, we won't tell anyone."

Packed with 5 times the live active cultures in yogurt

Excellent source of calcium

Good source of protein

3 grams of fiber

All natural

Take it on the go

Odwalla juice drinks and probiotic granola bars - breakfast of the champions! :)

In other news, there is a very annoying Xmas song on the radio now.

In other news still, I gave myself a haircut today! Woohoo. I went on the fire escape armed with nothing but a pair of scissors (no mirror, unfortunately) and gave myself a haircut. Figured, hey, it's not like I really see anyone....what do I care what I look like as long as it feels good? So, I cut it, really short, and now it feels really good. I love the feeling of not having hair on my head.

So This is What You Do in a Small Town

Well, there is nothing like a sugar high. I am going to try to write something relatively positive and upbeat and maybe that will make me feel better.

I got some of the Attune probiotic bars by mail today and they definitely make me feel better. I wonder if they would have made me feel more better if I hadn't followed them with more granola, organic chocolate chip graham cookies, and one chocolate covered pretzel. Eh, at least most of it's healthy junk food/snack food.

So, I was at the health food store yesterday. Big surprise, right? And the day before that, and the day before that, and so on. Usually I have been only going in like maybe 3 times a week and spacing it out so as not to deal with the minor smelliness of the store more than I had to; but lately I have been enjoying talking with M who works there and decided that made up for dealing with the minor smelliness.

So, I went in every day from Tuesday to Friday this week. On Tuesday, I went in just to say hi and get some peanut butter cups, and ended up staying half an hour talking to her, which surprised me. On Wednesday, I hadn't intended to go in at all, but the whole town smelled like a laundromat and I had to cut my walk very short and was very dejected about it, so I decided to stop in and say hi to her on my way back, figuring that if I was going to be miserable about a smell anyway, I might as well do it having the benefit of talking to another person.

So, I went in and said hi, and we started talking, and long story short, by the time I left, I looked at the clock and couldn't believe it, it said quarter of 6. I had gotten there at quarter of 5. It didn't feel like a whole hour, just standing there in my heavy coat, chatting! I guess when you're glad for human company (and very enjoyable and entertaining human company at that), you're really glad for it.

It was kind of interesting, being there for so long and observing who came in and out. There were about three people I believe, all older white men, all very nice and chatty and amicable (still haven't seen any black people in the store yet I don't think). One of them knew me as he had seen me in there before and we had chatted briefly, so he said hello. One stood there for a while, casually commenting on some of the products and engaging M in a lengthy but lighthearted exchange about some kind of herbal, medicinal honey they had. One (and this might all have been the same man, I can't really remember) started a long conversation with J at the same time I started one with M. It was the closest thing to the feeling of a "town gathering spot" or "town community center" I have ever encountered; just in that these people were so relaxed, laid back, obviously coming in to chat as much as they were to buy stuff. That is a nice feeling, of everyone enjoying each other's company. Of course, most people that I have seen come in come in quickly for a few items and leave (most of them after exclaiming how excited they are to have found this place, speaking in a heavily accented voice, or both), but some particularly the men who came in on Wednesday, like to linger.

There's this one guy, I don't think he was there this week, I can't really remember; I think it was last week. But I saw him when I was passing the HF store on my walk, and saw him when I came back 20 minutes later. He engaged me on a lengthy and rambling discussion of the health practices of Switzerland, Germany, and Italy (I think). Apparently they don't sell pasteurized milk there and have many other organic, healthy ways of doing things. It might have been interesting except for the way he was rambling and repeating himself over and over again and not allowing for any audience input. I had my fill after a few minutes and tried to politely take my leave, thank him for the information, tell him I had to go do my shopping, and walk away; of course, in a store that small, you have to make quite a production out of walking the four of five steps to the other side of the store, lol. And he followed me and kept blabbing. It was actually kind of weird because I heard his voice and thought it was coming from the other side of the store, and then looked up and saw his face reflected in the glass that seperated the section I was in from the aisle next to it, and thought I was seeing things; then realized he was standing right next to the glass.

So, at that point, M intervened and told the man to "Leave her alone, she likes to focus on her shopping," to which he replied "She's not listening to me!" (No, really?) and she replied, "No, she's listening, she just can't concentrate on more than one thing at a time." I do appreciate good conflict intervention skills. He shut up after that.

The woman who came in today was funny, too. She came in and said, "I am so excited to have found this place!" I swear at least three people have said that. Neither M or I can figure out yet why they are so excited, or why it so hard for them to find the place. Must be something in the water. She was accented, too. She said she was from the Bronx and was moving up here because it was too noisy in the city. Well, I finally figured out a reason someone would want to move to Liberty. If they lived in NYC beforehand. Somehow, anything seems better than NYC, but that's just my take on it; I know plenty of people love NYC....seven million of them, to be exact, but it's not really my cup of tea, what with all the noise and chaos and people and having no country station. They do have good food, though.

So, anyway, on Wednesday, I stood talking to M for an hour, and I don't really remember what we talked about, but I know some of it was funny, and we were laughing. I think that part was about the Hassidic Jews. She was telling me how the Hassidic Jews came here in the summer, tons of them, and they were all very rude and unpleasant and impatient, not just in the store but everywhere in town and in all the stores she encountered them in. I said she should learn some swear words in Yiddish. She said some lady tried to tell her one once but she forgot it. Obviously, she couldn't use them at work, but they might come in handy elsewhere in town. Hell, if I have that problem when the summer comes, I might just learn a few myself. We can practice our dirty Yiddish together, lol. Maybe someone can start a class. Not such good PR for the tourism, though. I've never seen or really even heard much about Hassidic Jews in my life; so that should certainly be interesting.

So, then, Thursday I came into get some more granola, but not until 5 minutes before closing time, so I couldn't stay long. Today, though, I got there about half an hour before closing, and we talked for half an hour.

She got the last six peanut butter cookies from the bakery yesterday, and her 2 year old son ate them all this morning when she accidentally left them home. She is very theatrical in her telling of stories, a quality I very much like in people, and that is rare to find, and she managed to make a simple story like that into a compelling and entertaining tale. She even acted out her son's voice, her mom's voice, and her's, as she went through the tale of the missing cookies and her frantic efforts to fruitlessly secure more from the bakery. As I said, I like people like that. When you have a sense of humor and can make a good story out of every day incidents, and laugh about them, then you'll most likely do okay in life.

And then somehow we got to talking about tying up babysitters, apparently a common past-time we had both shared as children. You never know what will bring people together.... :)

I guess the "slower pace of life" quality I have often heard exists in the South, applies also to small towns, and maybe that's not entirely a bad thing.

Holy Water

102.1 just played Holy Water, by Big and Rich.

Of course they did, lol.

This song has very similar opening notes to many other songs so I can't count the number of times over the years I *thought* a station was playing this, but it never was.

Eventually, I got reconditioned to not think I was hearing this every time I heard those notes.

So, when I heard the opening notes to this, I didn't get excited, but when I heard the first line I did, lol.

This came out in college. Everything came out in college. Every old song they've been playing has memories of college attached. Of course, if I hadn't unfortunately lost my radio posters, which I would be pissed about if I decided to be (not a good use of energy), I would know the time, date, radio station and place of every single time I heard this song in college. Oh well. But I do remember being amazed WPOC was playing it. And loving the words. And being amazed Big and Rich could not only do something serious, but something amazing. I think I might have been walking past the post office in Towson the first time I heard this, but I'm not sure. I have this memory of stopping in place by the post office when they played some new Big and Rich song, and since this was the only amazing song they ever did, it was most likely this one.

Speaking of B and R, what the hell happened to them? Half a dozen top charting singles and never to be heard of again. Guess singing about how much you don't fit into the country genre is not nearly as fun as, well, not fitting into the country genre. :)

Holy Water by Big and Rich

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
And unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries

And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
then take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

Action and Humor

One of the most amazing gifts about writing is being able to reach out to so many different people and affect their lives in some way, make them feel something you're feeling or see something you're seeing, all without leaving your house. The feeling of connection with other people is one of the primary reasons I write; the other reason is just because it comes naturally, it's fun, and I like to express myself. But it's far, far more enjoyable to express yourself when someone reads what you write and responds to what you write.

I was lucky enough to get just such a memorable response the other day, which I will post here with her permission. This is from someone on an MCS email list who read my blog after I posted the link on the list.

"Kate, you are such an inspiration to me. I have ‘watched’ your progress and you amaze me. Your tenacity, your determination to find your way reminds me so much of my Jen. You made such a courageous move when you moved out into the boonies for your health. The tone of your writing has changed so much – I am still in awe – so much courage. So open, never afraid to ask questions. I read your first two blogs this morning – you have this way of writing that makes me feel as though I was right there with you. A rare gift. I wanted you to know that that your story touched me. Your anger, though justified, has dissipated – you sound as though you are in control of your life. So many people choose to stay with their anger. You choose action and humour instead – oh how I love humour. The ‘bathroom scene’ still has me chuckling."

Her email is inspiring to me as she says I am to her. I like the way she distills everything I have been doing into two very important words - action and humor. I like that very much. Action and humor. That might have made a good name for this blog if I had thought of it before, although I do like what I have. That is a great philosophy of life to have. It is what I strive for,
of course, although I will be the first to admit that I don't always get there. But what a wonderful way to try to live: do what you can, when you can, and always try to have a good, and humorous, attitude about it. Always try to laugh.

It's not always possible, but it's great when it is.

Action and Humor. That should go on a bumper sticker.

Life in a Northern Town

Three ways you know you're in a northern town:

There was an ad for snowmobile insurance on the radio today. Snowmobile insurance! I wish I could remember the whole text of the ad because it was so funny. It was through All State. "You have to protect your sled..." They must be into it here.

They plow the graveyard. Either that, or it melted in very strategic places.
It wasn't by any means snowless, but someone had made a path to walk in.
Too bad it was getting dark or I would have done the whole thing, but I was very happy to walk in half the graveyard and get some better air than I have been getting on Main Street.

The gym has a sign that says "Boots are not allowed in work out area." Boots are not allowed? Yea, you'd definitely only put that up this early in the season in a place that got a lot of snow.
I hope I do not need boots.

More later...

Liberty radio (102.1)

Okay, first of all, why won't this site show me the entries from November?
Since that was most of them, I hope that still works, cus I want people to be able to see them.

Secondly, I took Tetris off because I can't stand flashing or moving images, so I need to find something to replace it with at a later date so the right side of this thing doesn't look too empty.

Thirdly, I thought this would be a good time to write about something good for once, and write about 102.1, WDNB. You would not know that they were WDNB, of course, because they never mention it, they have terrible imaging, the only station here that ever mentions their call letters is 99.3 which I can almost never get reception to.

I think they might have just spiffed up their website. It looks very spiffy.

Anyway, I have been keeping track of all the amazing songs 1021. has been playing for weeks, and mean to email them a congratulatory note at some point. They have a knack it seems for playing songs that BARELY, barely cracked the top 40 several years ago, that were almost never played when they came out; but these were and are the songs that without exception I love the most, the songs that when they came out, years ago, I fell in love with, and begged local radio stations to play, and which stations almost never did.

These were the orphan songs of country music; the left behinds, the hidden gems! The songs that were in most cases so meaningful they bogged the everyday American's mind because everyday Americans who listen to country are usually not so intelligent and therefore don't want to hear intelligent meaningful songs about life and life's problems, about emotions and abuse and teen suicide. Instead, they want to hear Toby Keith sing "I love this bar" or Willie Nelson sing "Beer for My Horses." And maybe if they get really rowdy, they'll go for Brad Paisley and "Mud on the Tires."

Not all country fans are like this, but a lot of them.

So, without fail, I hear several of these amazing songs on this station every day! And it blows me away every time I hear them! Most of these songs I haven't heard in so long, I don't even remember the title when I hear the first notes, I just remember how I felt when I heard it. It is a wonderful feeling. It's like "Hey...what's this...Oh..my...god... this is...no...it can't be.... no one's played this in.... woah..it is." And, "How did they even know this song existed?? No one even knew it existed when it was released." It's just like a feeling of joyful anticipation as you know something good is coming but you can't remember what until it hits you and then you can't believe it.

And in every single case these were such minor hits. Not a single one of them probably hit the top 30! I want to do some research and see the chart position for all these songs to confirm this hypothesis, but I'm betting most of these songs stayed in the bottom 5 or 10. And not only do they choose songs that weren't hits, but they choose songs that weren't hits that I love! THAT is hard to do, as I am somewhat picky; but they seem to know exactly what I like.

Every single song except for ONE I have remembered title and artist from (and some of these came out five or six years ago never to be heard of again). The one I didn't, drove me up the wall because I couldn't remember who sung it, but luckily I was able to Google the lyrics to find out.

Also, they started playing Xmas music yesterday, three days after their competition, 97.3, but unlike 97.3 their selection of Xmas music has been completely tasteful and probably the most tasteful selection of Xmas music I have yet heard. Most of the songs they play, just about all, are actually sung by country singers so they blend in; whereas the other station is playing nothing but the absolute worst and most crass, commercial and cloying of the commercial Xmas songs that they can find (or more likely, not find, as they're not putting any effort into their selection) every 10 minutes. Last night they even played a great parody of Jingle Bells called Rusty Chevrolet that I had never heard before.

Some of these might have been hits, but even if they were, they haven't been played in the years since.

Here is a partial list of the older, non hit, amazing songs they have played so far, not that it will mean much to anyone who is not a country fan. But if you are a country fan, when is the last time you heard songs like:

Days of Our Lives, James Otto (came out freshman year of college)
Three Days, Pat Green (same)
Before I Knew Better, Brad Martin
What I Did Right, Sons of the Desert (I am pretty sure this is one of the very first country songs I can ever remember liking. Had to be about seven years ago.)
Drugs or Jesus, Tim McGraw
Mendocino County Line, Lee Ann Womack and Willie Nelson
Mrs. Steven Rudy, Mark Mcguinn (big hit when it came out but hasn't been heard in years)
Sunday Morning in America, Keith Anderson
How Do you Get that Lonely, Blaine Larsen
I'm in Love with You, Billy Dean
Baby Doll, Pat Green
Dance with my Father, Kellie Coffey
This is God, Phil Vassar (reminds me of Phil Vassar concert I saw in Philly, came out around then)
Fourth of July, Skooter Jennings
Wrinkles, Diamond Rio (Sophomore or junior year of college)
I Cry, Tammy Cochran (the one I had to Google)
One Last Time, Dusty Drake
There's More to You than Me, Jessica Andrews (particularly amazing one; she's never to my knowledge had much of a hit other than Who I Am, but I loved this one when it came out)
The Bride, Trick Pony (funny as hell song...Hallejuah, thank the lord, I'm not the bride!)
Men Don't Lie, Amy Dalley
How Far, Martina McBride
Shut up and Drive, Chely Wright
If Something Should Happen, Daryl Worley
How I Feel, Martina McBride
It's My Time, Martina McBride
Forgive, Rebecca Lynn Johnson (only hit she ever had and I remember desperately trying to get to a local concert she was giving in Towson I think it was when I was a freshman in college)
It's a Heartache, Trick Pony
The Love Song, Jeff Bates
I'd Rather Ride Around with You, Reba McEntire
How was I to Know, Reba McEntire

Yeah, that's all I have so far, lol. I should totally send that list to them.

Only other time I kept a list was when I listened to WDRC in Hartford when I was at Amherst. Sent it to them when I left but don't think they replied.

Also, 102.1 is playing the new Jessica Simpson (yes, she went country; yes, she's actually good) song about domestic abuse that hasn't to my knowledge cracked the top 40 yet, so that is cool.

I should send this whole post to them. But I don't want to overwhelm them lol. How often do you think they get emails saying they're amazing and a list of every song they've played in the last month that someone likes? :)

Seriously, I wonder who programs their station, though, because that person is awesome and very knowledgeable about country.

It's Not the Oven's Fault

So, I discovered something last night when I went to cook my new, all natural, organic chicken breasts from Trader Joe's that J got for me.

They were so pink and uniformly shaped, so perfect in their organic-ness.

I cooked 5 of them in one pan; I am not sure what to do with the one that was left that didn't fit in the pan. I figured cooking more at once was better since I absolutely hate to cook and since the oven still smells awful (although at this point, whether it's the new oven smell, something that may have got caught in the oven, or the fact that I cooked eggs on the stove at the same time, I'm not sure), so I put the remaining chicken breast in the freezer until I can ask someone if it is safe to cook at a later date or not.

When they were done, I cut into them, and surprise! No unsightly pink blotches; no toughness; no disfigurement; just five white, well formed, juicy bubbling pieces of chicken.

Gee, I always thought the oven wasn't cooking the Tyson chicken well enough and that's why they looked so pink and weird even after I had cooked 'em for an hour. Now I think it's just low quality chicken. God, do I hate low quality chicken.

So. I will have to endure low quality chicken when I run out of TJ's since it is the only thing I can get, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

You never know, do you, how good you have it until you move into the middle of the boonies and they don't know what "decent grocery" means? I mean, I just think it's kind of funny, reflecting on it. I never thought there was anything special about Hannaford, or Shaw's, the two main grocery stores in Maine; or Rosauers in Montana, or Safeway or Albertson's; I just thought, you know, they're normal grocery stores, all grocery stores are like this. All grocery stores have a third of the store devoted to organic food; all grocery stores have a pharmacy in them; all of them have high quality food presented in a pleasing manner. Hannaford, which I believe has actually won several national awards but I can't remember exactly what, just seemed normal.

I did have a vague awareness that Rosauer's in Montana had higher quality food than Safeway; I have only been in a Safeway a few times in my life and remember thinking it seemed less organized, more run down, the deli counter didn't have as high quality of meats; but mostly the same.

Well, so, I get here and they have a Shop Rite and a Great American. Shop Rite is apparently a small Mid-Atlantic chain, and I'm sure that in some areas, it's actually probably quite big and good. I know from their website that in some area (can we say big cities with lots of population, most of which are in New Jersey), they actually deliver, and most of them have pharmacies in them. Which just means they're bigger and probably carry more stuff.

And I haven't actually been in either store here, due, of course to my MCS; my landlord has been nice enough to do grocery shopping for me, which I very much appreciate.

But from the things he is getting from there, I can see that it is a little lacking in the class department. From the brands and the lack of availability of some previously common items, and also from the fact that almost everything he has gotten, I just recently discovered, has been expired at the time he got it. That kind of annoyed me when I realized. For example, I went to check the expiration date of the salad dressing I'd had a month to see if I needed to get more or if I could use the stuff I had. It said November 3. I got here on November 1. He went shopping when I got here. Therefore, it was just about expired when he got it. Good thing I didn't know that then.

When I was a kid and my mom would buy Tropicana orange juice, which I still drink, she would buy several containers at once since we went through so much. The expiration dates would always be several months away, and I remember looking at the dates and thinking stuff along the lines of, "Huh, wonder what I'll be doing then?" or if the expiration date was someone's birthday, which seemed to happen more often than you'd think, it would make me think about the person every time I drank the orange juice.

Well, no wondering needed this time! The orange juice he got last week expires December 1! Uh, that's today. I really hate thinking how long that OJ must have been sitting there to be expired a week after he got it. What, does no one SHOP in this town?? Does no one eat?? Is that why this merchandise just sits on the shelves??

Apparently, eating expired things must not kill you, as I haven't experienced any ill effects yet, but I really don't like it. It just seems wrong, and makes me nervous. And I really, really think that a store should not make a practice of selling expired food to its customers. Yes, I know, you can most likely reach behind the expired stuff to get the stuff in the back; but that is hard when you are not shopping for yourself, and besides, they just shouldn't keep expired stuff on the shelves anyway.

So, the other day, J told me that he was going to try to make arrangements with the small, locally owned grocery store near our house, Great American, to fax in my grocery list and have them put it together for me, and then meet me at the door so I wouldn't have to go in. Fine, and that's really nice of him to try to do and nicer still of the owner to do, and probably one of the few perks of living in such a small town, but I still shudder at the idea. The conversation went something like this:

J: "I asked Gary if he could put an order of groceries together for you if we faxed it in. It's not as fancy as Shop Rite, but it would help a lot."

Me: ( not really grasping concept of increased independence by being able to get groceries msyelf, stuck on the "Shop Rite" and "fancy" part) "Um, that's great, yea, that would be good, but, um, Shop Rite is not fancy"

He kept saying that. How fancy Shop Rite was. That was like someone saying the sky was red. You know, " I just love looking at the nice red sky...." It seemed so *wrong.*

So, as I said to him, because I can be somewhat blunt at times, "Fine, that's great and I'll give it a try, but Shop Rite is not fancy, and I'm really not sure what one step below "not fancy" would be...."

Yea, so I'm a little nervous about that. I've never been into an independent, locally owned grocery store in my life. Usually locally owned is good; but when you're going for something like groceries? You want selection, quality, quantity; and that's something usually only attained by big chains. So I am glad for the opportunity to gain more independence (although I wonder how I'm supposed to carry groceries up a very steep hill especially when steep hill is iced over), but I am kind of scared about what kind of food will or will not be available at this joint. Shop Rite is bad enough.

Anyone have any experience with small, locally owned grocery stores that they would like to share with me?

J was like "They won't have Odwalla."
Me: "Shop Rite doesn't either."
Him: "Yes, they do."
Me: "It was expired and the wrong kind."

Well, if not having Odwalla is the extent of their difference, fine. But we shall see.

And, yes, I can be a food snob, but I have grown up with high quality food, and I feel that having at least medium-quality food is a very essential part of life. Eating is a major component of human life, especially human homebound life, and has a very big impact on one's health and well being.

At this point, I don't need fancy, but I do need edible. For example: Trader Joe's chicken, very good. Tyson chicken, edible. Perdue chicken: not edible. See? There's a line. There's always a line.

So that concludes my examination of the relative merits of grocery stores.

That was, of course, excluding natural food stores, which obviously have high quality foods (when they are big enough to have enough employees who remember to order food); I don't expect those, although I would certainly love one.

MCS Blogroll!

So, I decided I am going to make a website devoted to MCS blogs. It's gonna be an MCS blogroll in effect, kind of like the one at Autism Hub with all the autism blogs. It'll be a community, where everyone can read each other's blog, and comment, and we can all support each other and read about each other's daily lives. There are tons of those for autism but precious few for MCS.

So if you have or know of a good MCS related blog please leave it here!

My favorite one that I lost the link to but someone told me about tonight that had me laughing all night is here:

http://dontmesswithmcs.blogspot.com/

All I could remember about it was "that funny guy who wrote about MCS and hates Cleveland" and someone found it for me.

That guy is amazing. His blog is funny, instructive, and just plain good reading. Hard to be funny when talking about MCS, but he does it.

Oh yeah, and he hates Cleveland :)

Oh, and knock on wood, the station's been working, and knock on wood, I've heard amazing songs all night.

Now I have to make chicken. Ugh.

Kate

Trader Joe's and other assorted topics

So, I'm sitting here feeling icky and trying to think and focus.
And I'm pissed because for two days I could get reception to the amazing local country station, which I can't usually. Two heavenous days. Now the static is back. Cannot focus with static.
Do NOT want to change to other station and hear an Xmas song every 10 min. What a dilemma.

Is this what I get for living in a mountainous region? Maybe there's a mountain blocking the reception between the antenna and the house? The station is based IN LIBERTY so it does not make any sense to not get reception. Maybe if I emailed them they would know why. I'm pissed. This station is the ONLY good thing about Liberty. I have heard like two dozen utterly amazing and stunning songs I haven't heard in years in the last month. Or the two weeks I could get reception before I lost it. I will be pissed if lose that. Where can I get a radio that gets better reception?? (And is outgassed and unscented? Haha THAT won't happen.)

Why do they make such crappy radios these days?

Okay, now that I have ranted about that.

My head is all foggy, and my body does not like me.

Things are not good. I need to write though. I said I would and it will make me feel better if I do.

Then I'm going to eat.

***

Today it is sleeting, raining, freezing rain, not sure if we got any snow. Lots of winter weather going on. Can I mention how weird it is to see ICED UP ROADS IN NOVEMBER. But whatever. It wasn't windy so I could still walk. Wind and rain don't mix well with umbrellas.

I just walked up and down the street several times; it was dark and the weather was too bad to go anywhere else. I walked for about 20 min and went in.

A was in J's apt when I got back. She came out when she saw me. I have not seen her in almost a month since I first got here. So I was happy to see her and talk to her. She was cleaning his apt.
The not so good part was I so happy to see her I forgot to ask her to close the door when we were talking because the smell coming from J's apt was really bothering me. It was really stupid to do because exposing myself to that smell is not good. The smell, we think, is coming from the new plastic pipes from the central vacuum. Which are RIGHT UNDER, like 5 feet under, the freaking huge freaking hole between his apt and mine. Which I saw for the first time today and didn't realize how close to my apt it was and how big it was and am just a bit annoyed he didn't cover it up before I moved it in. He did cover it with plastic and put some insulation in when I asked; which was good; he did his best to help me and I appreciate it. But, it still smells a little. Not nearly as bad as before but it is still there and is most likely what is making me feel so brain dead and ICK at the moment. I don't like that. I don't like having to push through that.

It could also be my sheets which have been bothering me ever since the first time I laid eyes or skin on them. If I could figure out how to get sheets that don't smell and weren't washed in chlorinated water or anything scented (but were washed), I would be a freaking happy woman.
It is actually hard to tell how much that is bothering me is the sheets and blankets, how much is the smell from his apt, and how much is some other factor I am not aware of. I am so annoyed.

But, wait. I wasn't thinking of that, right? So, despite that problem I had a nice conversation with A. Well, I think I did. I was too braindead to process anything she said. I kept thinking "Woah! It's a human! In the flesh! I am talking to a human! This is amazing!" Apparently that took over all other thought processes.

Anyway then she was gonna bring some water up for me so we went into my staircase. Much better altho I was braindead already. But. Yea so she said "Oh, I'll just open your box for you to get my stuff" cus see I have a bit of a phobia of opening packages. There are, or were, like half a dozen packages of various sizes piled up in my staircase. Because I am/was too afraid of what was in them, or more accurately, what what was in them smelled like, to open them. And figured I didn't need most of the stuff in them at this exact moment anyway so would wait. Some packages from home, others from, I don't even remember. A's clothes she had sent me in Montana were in the one from my mom and I had forgot they were so I didn't open it as I did not yet need the other stuff in it. (I will use it eventually though.) Anyway so she helped me a lot by opening all my packages and getting her stuff out; if I had to do it it would have taken me several more days to work up the courage.

While she was there, her phone rang. I swear that has to be the most fortuitous timing of a phone call ever. Because J was calling to say he was at a Trader Joe's in north Jersey waiting to pick up his son at the train station. Those two words are like music to my ears. TRADER. JOE'S. Preceeded by the words "I am at," has to be one of the most lovely sentences in the English language.

(Okay, Whole Foods might have been better. But TJ was pretty good.)

So, Angie and I got to say what we wanted, and if we hadn't run into each other, I wouldn't have been cut into the deal. Since I have been coveting specialty grocery store junk food for a very long time, it was very lucky indeed.

It was a pretty funny scene, though, I have to admit. When he said the word "Trader Joe's," A immediately started thinking and naming all of the organic veggie type things she wanted. I immediately started thinking and naming all of the chocolatey type things I wanted. Our minds both started racing, but in very opposite directions. I thought that was funny.

They did NOT have Odwalla or the probiotic bars I have been wanting. I suppose that is not surprising since TJ usualy only carries their store brand products, but dissapointing nevertheless. (Whole Foods would have had it. Oh well.)

Anyway. I knew exactly what to get, though, because there was a Trader Joe's where I went to school, and I used to love their chocolate covered pretzels. They were legendary. And their chocolate covered blueberries. Which I didn't get often, but I know they were good.
OHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Damn it! I just realized what I forgot. Their chocolate chip cookies! Are the best CC cookies on earth. I was thinking of asking my grandparents to get some and send me them the other day. But I did not remember that until now. Oh well, two out of three ain't bad.
They are all TJ' s brand and are really good.

Anyway. So. Yea I have been thinking of TJ pretzels since Baltimore. So it was great to be able to get them. A friend in CT said she would send me some but now I don't need her to. Although, this would be the perfect time to ask her for the cookies *goes to Facebook * lol

I have not yet had them because there is a very high degree of likelihood that neither item will be nearly as good as I remember it to be, and I don't want to kill the dream....

However I shall have some after I write this.

And I also got, good on me for thinking of this, some organic, natural chicken breasts, which makes me very happy, as they have to taste better than the awful tyson stuff that is available here.

Oh yea. That reminds me. I have to cook tonight. Dang.

I never thought I would be thankful for organic chicken breasts. Or organic anything. Or most foods. I always took it for granted getting high quality tasty food. Ooops.

Yea, so anyway. That was my good thing for today.

A said she may go to health food store in New Paltz sometime in the next three weeks. That I can come. Good. I hope she remembers to tell me. I hope too that I can go in there, but I 'll settle just for the car ride and scenery and having her get stuff if I can't. Be damn nice to see a town besides Liberty.

Which reminds me. Have to email D to see if she will come Wed. I sure hope so.

Ok. I'm hungry now. Time to eat.

This concludes my disjointed attempt at being happy at what I have, lol.

I wonder if the rain is increasing the humidity and making me feel worse.

I suppose it's likely, except I didn't feel this way outside, so, then it is probably unlikely.

Who knows.

Talked to E again tonight. Things are not going her way. I continue to hope for improvements. Found two MCS trailer for sale ads for her.

I forget....do we get thunderstorms in the winter here? No Tstorms in MT; can't remember.

Wonder if there will be school tomorrow. They had a snow day last Monday, I found out. !!!!!!!!!!!!! In November? For hardly any snow? Ha. Crazy town. Least the shops were open. Well, actually I was out on Tues; not sure about Monday. Maybe the snow day was on Tues; I don't think the snow had started until Monday night.

Anyway. Signing off now.