Radio, Granola Bars, and Dealing with MCS

Some more writing that I did last week has just been published on Associated Content, and I will share it with you all in the hopes that you will enjoy it. I have not been able to do anything new this week.

The first article is about the power of radio, and talks about how good radio used to be - what happened? If you're a radio fan, you will enjoy this.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1368064/the_power_of_radio_how_to_make_listeners.html?cat=35

If you are looking for a healthy and tasty snack, perhaps one that you can give your kids and know they are getting something healthy without any added preservatives or junk, and something that actually tastes good, you might want to try Attune probiotic granola bars. That's right, it's a granola bar, that comes in all kinds of flavors, with probiotics added in. To learn more, please read:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1364936/attune_granola_chocolate_bars_healthy.html?cat=5

And finally, for those of you with multiple chemical sensitivity, people who know someone with it, or those who just want to know more about it, you won't want to miss "Ten Ways Not to Go Crazy with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity." I think they edited the title for length, but I like mine better.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1367834/multiple_chemical_sensitivity_how_to.html?cat=70

And that's all for now! Comments welcome.

Kate

Ten Reasons You Might be in Montana / and Vermont food writing

I have had two more articles published on Associated Content! Yay!

The first is called "The Top Ten Reasons You Might be in Missoula, Montana, and Five Reasons to Like It" and can be found at:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1359112/top_10_reasons_you_might_be_in_missoula.html?cat=16

It's a combination of my opinion on Missoula from both my first and second, radically different, visits there combined.

The second is about a crepe restaurant in Burlington, Vermont called The Skinny Pancake. If you like crepes, indulge your senses in this!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1358982/the_skinny_pancake_in_burlington_vermont.html?cat=22

Tell me what you think and be sure to send to any friends in those areas!

Kate

"But You Don't Look Sick": The Spoon Theory

I just found this amazing essay that I have to share with you all.

It's probably the best essay I have yet read about dealing with disability on a daily basis.

Really makes you think.

Feel free to comment.

This is relevant not just to lupus as the author describes, but any chronic disability of any kind. Autism and MCS included. With any disability you have to think very carefully about your days and how you are going to plan around all of the obstacles that you have. You might do it well enough that you don't "look sick" to other people, but as soon as you're not able to do those things, then you fall apart. (And people say "What's wrong with you?" not realizing that you do,
indeed, have a disability since you usually can cope well enough to not seem disabled!)

People with any kind of disability only have enough "spoons" to do certain things per day, or any day, and have to think very carefully about the choices they make. They don't have the freedom, as healthy people do , to just go out and live, to do things without deciding, to do anything without first thinking of the consequences.

I wasn't expecting much when I clicked on this link but I was blown away.

I am sure anyone with a disability will be able to relate, and anyone who knows someone with a disability will hopefully come away with more understanding.

The link:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

The Internet: An Education About the World

I was thinking the other night how amazing the Internet can be - in the course of one night, just wandering around the Internet without any particular goal or direction in mind, I read a first person account of life during the war in Israel, found out that ripe bananas will turn blue when exposed to UV light, and read a discussion about if there should be an option for people who are intersex (don't identify with one gender) to not declare their gender on Facebook. Plus probably several other issues or topics that I can't remember. The diversity, breadth, and easy ability to learn in depth about almost any topic without really even trying on the Internet is amazing.

Food in Missoula, Montana

I wrote two more Associated Content articles on my favorite hangouts when I lived in Missoula (Montana). I am trying to publicize them because the more clicks you get, the more money you get! Normally I wouldn't even try because it seems like an impossible task, and you get a small amount of money upfront for writing them, but it told me I had 119 clicks on the Maine one and $2 from it, and like 8 clicks or something for the Bernice's one and 19 cents, and that really motivated me to find a way to increase the amount of people who see them. So I actually went on Livejournal, found relevant Maine and Montana communities, and posted the links on there. Since I have never used LiveJournal in my life and hate it, I think that was a pretty creative thing to do. Then I posted them on Facebook, and now I'm posting them here. Woohoo for publicity.

There are only three articles posted so far, but I have about six more waiting to be reviewed. I think it takes like a week. And then I can post the links to those, too.

And try not to obsess about it too much because if I worry too much about page views I will drive myself crazy and we all know I do a good enough job of that as it is.

Anyway. If you would like to read about a stellar bakery and natural food store in Missoula, or you would just like to read more of my writing :), please go here:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1303038/come_home_to_bernices_bakery_in_missoula.html?cat=22

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1300809/good_food_the_wonders_of_natural_food.html?cat=7

Comments are welcome especially from the one....one or two people from Missoula I know read this blog? And from everyone else.

I make myself so stressed out over nothing. I got excited about trying to write more and promote but then I got so stressed out over it. It's not worth getting stressed out over. It's writing. It should be fun. But I get stressed anyway.

Whatever. At least I got it done.

Kate

Meeting with Mark and Scott, pictures included

Lighting the candles! Who says you can't celebrate Hanukkah in January?

Me, Mark and Scott (my mom's first cousin and his partner)

Ok I cant think about today unless I write about today.
So, what happened today. Well, Mark and Scott came about 1:30. I was ready in time as I had gotten up early than expected since I was having trouble sleeping which hopefully will not be repeated tonight. I got some chocolates and peanut butter and chocolate pretzels together. When they came I put the groceries they got in the fridge. They got some apple sauce, soup, water, and some challah and rugelah. I have managed not to eat the rugelah and challah yet since it gave me such awful brain fog for 2 days after last time. I figured I wanted to be functional for today and tomorrow at least to get things I need done. What a joke that is! you call this functional? Maybe I should just eat it. But I won't. I'm sure it would be worse.

We started out for a walk and it was an absolutely beautiful, bright as hell sunny day. It was about 30 degrees with a light wind. It wasn't that cold. It wasn't warm either but it wasn't that cold. The sun was so bright the glare of it actually hurt my eyes in my apt. Quite a change for someone who hasn't even been out in daylight in a week; it was nice. I could even feel the sun on my face; it's been a very long time since the sun was strong enough to feel that.

We had a nice walk to the health food store. Unfortunately, they didn't want to go further than that, and I was just getting into it and enjoying talking to them. Eight minutes is a rather short walk. J had said we could use the conference room above the health food store; so we did, but it was too smelly, so I thought we were going to walk some more but she said we could actually sit in the health food store itself instead, since it was closed today. It was awfully nice of her to come from her home and open the store just for us. Very kind. One good thing about a small town, I guess. But I was a little bit frazzled by that because I thought the plan had been if the conference room didn't work to walk around for a bit. The store smelled worse than usual because of a new product they just got, and that was unfortunate. It was tolerable but not great.

They brought some salads from Hannaford. It made me immensely homesick. Reason being, besides just the name of Hannaford, that they got the chicken ceaser I used to get there. I used to go to the South Portland Hannaford behind the Maine Mall and Borders several times a week when I lived in Portland and was amazed that their salad bar and chicken were EXCELLENT. Not just edible or decent, but excellent. The quality of the salad, the dressing, and the chicken especially, all good. Grocery stores almost never have decent salad bars, and that was the only Hannaford I had been into that actually had a salad bar. When Mark said he would try to pick up some salads from Hannaford I thought they would be awful and had completely forgotten how much I used to enjoy their chicken ceasers until I saw it there lying on the table. It made me very sad and very home sick. When I tasted that unique blend of juicy chicken and just right ceaser dressing, I thought I was in South Portland again. I thought I was at Border's, I thought I was at Panera, I wanted that back. It felt so cruel to be sitting in the middle of nowhere New York and eating that South Portland ceaser salad.

And why the hell can't you get ceaser dressing as good as that in stores? Or can you? The little packets of ken's ceaser? never found anything similar in bottles, or maybe I just havent looked in the right places. Thats a joke of course, I havent LOOKED in a freaking normal grocery store in about a year because I havent been able to, but you know what I mean. If i knew it was available I would try to get it. Those Ken's packets are such a staple of salad bars. Think Shaw's might have had them to because I remember Jake getting them when we were kids and how good they were.

Not to mention the insanity of having a grocery store make a $4.99 salad better than one from a fancy Italian resteraunt, which I got last week when Eric came. Sheesh!! Yea Hannaford I'm glad you're such a good company but could you come, I dunno, a little closer?

***

So, I was glad for something decent to eat, but so mournful I couldn't really enjoy it. And I was a little frustrated about having to be in the health food store where I couldnt focus much or talk much. It was much harder to experience a feeling of connection when your brain has turned to so much mush that all you can do is respond with one word or one sentence replies, when you can't be excited, when you can't think about anything but the physical mechanism of talking.

As I said, I usually do okay in the health food store when I am chatting with M and J. But, they got some new products in Friday that have bothered me; not made it impossible to be in there or talk, but certainly made it a lot harder, and made it hard to think about anything but superficial conversation. And I was hoping to have something deeper than superficial conversation; of course I have to learn, I suppose, that casual meetings are supposed to be just that, casual. It's hard, I suppose, to be anything but casual with someone you haven't seen in several years and are meeting for two hours. But there is still a big difference between casual and connected; casual and energetic and spirited; and casual and blase, disconnected conversation (not on their part; on mine.)

But we have to make the best of what we have I suppose.
So we stayed for maybe an hour and then left and walked some more, which was good. I wonder if they could tell a difference between the level at which I was able to communicate inside and outside? Because I sure felt it. As soon as we stepped outside, I was able to relax, I was able to think, I was able to ask questions, I was able to give detailed answers, I was able to smile and laugh and in short be who I am. Inside I could barely answer questions with short, defeated replies. If I ever find out what causes that difference, specifically and chemically, I'll give whoever tells me a million bucks (although I'm sure to do the procedure it will already have cost a million bucks.)

So we walked to the graveyard, but it was too snowy. Still nice and brilliantly sunny, though.

Oh, this is funny. When we walked back, they wanted to go a different way, because they said there was a temple right off my street. I said, what are you talking about, there's not a temple off my street, wouldn't I have seen it? No, they said, if you go this way XYZ it turns into (my street) and there's a temple there. I didn't believe them and didn't really want to go that way but I gave it a try. It was right by where the movie store is at the first intersection of Main - I've been up that road a little ways but not very far at all and always in the dark. At first I thought we had to go down Main St to get there but we didnt. We just walked up that street a little, not very far, and lo and behold there was a HUGE synagogue standing there, basking in the sun. One of the more beautiful ones I've seen too. It had a huge engraving of a menorah on the front of the building! What do you know, trust someone from out of town to teach you about your own town, those New Yorkers, they know how to find everything. :)
They suggested I try to ask people there for help with grocery shopping or other needs, and to try to find a community there - which I think is a great idea. Who knows, I wonder, maybe if it has old wooden floors or concrete floors I could even go in, although it's doubtful. I'll look for a website after I write this.

So I still didnt know where we were, but then we saw the post office - so THAT'S where the post office is, it was huge as well and 5 min away - and I realized it was the end of our street in the opposite direction that I usually go into town. I remember John said the other side of our street hit into the post office and went into town. I had never tried it though, mostly because it was always dark and I dont feel like exploring new things in the dark.

I had gone down to the very EDGE of the street, but all I could see in the dark was another (at the time muddy, uninviting looking) street. Now I know the post office and synagogue is there. So we walked back (the back entrance of the synagogue, which I HAD walked past, is actually on our street). You don't know what it is from behind, though.

When we got back, we found that their car was blocked in and had a note on it that said this was a private parking spot. oops. So we knocked on J's door and S answered and said he would move it. It's actually good that S answered as he hung around for a while and I got to talk to him for a bit which I always enjoy. He said he did not know of the synagogue either, nor of the biking trail that I found online that's on Chestnut. I think it's on Chestnut? I'm actually confused because if I remember right, and I think I do, the map online said the biking trail was at the end of Chestnut. And Chestnut is the street we walked on FROM Main st to get here. Therefore, one would perhaps only have to walk up a small portion of Chestnut to get there, I wonder? I just looked on the website again. It is very frustrating. It does not tell you how to get there or where it is, other than there is an entrance point on Chestnut. That is a huge street. Why aren't they more specific? For all I know it could be on the side of Chestnut that runs opposite to Main St, not the part the borders our street. I emailed them to ask. It would be really, really nice to have somewhere good to walk. Somewhere with no exhaust fumes, no uphills (we're assuming it's flat here, i guess) and that doesn't end after 5 minutes!

So, anyway. This is getting on too long. S was on the porch with us. I gave everyone chocolates and chocolate covered pretzels. Then we lit the menorah! The menorah was my idea. Yes, I know Hanukkah is over. But it doesn't matter. One of the first things I thought about when I thought about coming here after ya all know all the basics and details, was that Mark and Scott lived in NYC, and how much fun it would be to see them again after 5 yrs or so of not seeing them. The second thing I thought about was how it would be the most meaningful thing in the world to get to light the Hanukkah candles with then, to do such a symbolic and enjoyable thing with family who actually cared about it. My family stopped lighting Hanukkah candles years ago, for the most part. I didn't get to do in college (seeing them lit at Hillel, alone, really wasn't the same) and last Hanukkah I think I was in New Hampshire.
So, I got them to bring a menorah, and find four candles. The rest of their candles were in NYC but they had four, so we made that do. They were pretty candles, too. And we lit the menorah and said the prayer, and told Stephen about what it meant.
And then the wind blew the candles out, so we lit them again. And again. And again. (Without saying the prayer.) Kind of defeats the message of resillience and strength, lol. No, but it was pretty, and I liked it. I was excited to light them. They left the menorah with me so I could light them again, which was nice. And they left. They took a picture of me and S took a picture of the three of us with his cell phone camera before they left.
Stephen and I stayed on the porch and talked for a while after they left. That was nice. I liked that. I gave him a rugelah.
Which I still want but shouldn't have. He liked it.
He just got into City College in NYC and was happy about that.
I would ask him to take a walk sometime or something but not sure what his schedule is like or if he would even want to. Or if we'd have enough to talk about. Probably, though. He has a good personality and generally interesting things to say.

So, I did achieve my goal of lighting candles with (interested) Jewish family. That was good. But yeah the visit was kind of anticlimatic and I had too high expectations. But overall it was good to do, just to get out in the sun for a while and have some social interaction, and have some food. And to find the temple. Yeah. I gotta google that.
Update: Googled. No website. Found phone number. Have no idea when one should call a synagogue ie when people are there. Have to remember to call them.

So, it was nice to see them, as the last time was probably either Passover or that get together at Rosalie's that I hated. I don't know what the occasion was. Mark said he thought the last time was Grandma's 75th birthday which I have no recollection of so that is probably what it was.
The reason I hated it was I was seeing all these people from Passover I hadnt seen in years, and I was extremely, deeply, completely dissapointed when I didn't manage to have a meaningful conversation with a single one of them.

After that I learned a lesson about not expecting to have meaningful conversations with 98% of the population in 98% of circumstances. Not that it was any of their faults or that they're shallow people; it's just, you can't have meaningful conversation at parties or in short conversations. You have to do small talk. I hate it.

Anyway. It was good to see them.

Kate

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for Mainers

I published this on a writing site that supposedly pays me by the number of people who read it.

So, if you're from Maine or New England, interested in New England, or just wanna read some hopefully funny and entertaining writing, go to...

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1300605/top_ten_new_years_resolutions_for_mainers.html?cat=2

I give you the first two paragraphs as a teaser...

Ahh, Maine. No, we're not part of Canada, as so many people think. We're that northern state that no one ever thinks about; the one with all the beaches, beautiful coastline, and of course, lobsters. Lots of lobsters. Mainers are a special sort of people, fiercely independent and given to their ways. But sometimes, there's a few things they could stand to change. In this article, I will review the Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Mainers!

1. Learn to Speak French

It's summertime, and you're hanging out at Old Orchard Beach, taking in the amusements, riding the rollercoaster, playing on the beach. You're pigging out on poutine and fried dough, and people watching. Or trying to. There's just one little problem. Everyone's speaking French. Huh! What's a person to do? Yes, our neighbors from the north regularly come and take over our little slice of heaven, and it's just impossible to figure out what they're saying. So the first goal of the new year for a Mainer is to prepare for the summer and learn to speak French. Then you'll be striking up friendships with your new Quebecois friends right and left!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1300605/top_ten_new_years_resolutions_for_mainers.html?cat=2

The Happy New Year Dog

Well, I think this says it all :)

Happy New Year from the New Year's Dog!

Twins!

Did you know that twins could have different skin colors? I just learned that tonight, and found some oh so cute pictures of it. The expressions on their face are just priceless!

A Compendium of Information and Updates

Okay, I haven't written in this thing in what seems like a while, and havent been able to focus much, so now seemed like a good time to give it a try.

The whole writing and thinking thing is not really happening lately.

I got some organic bananas and apples from the health food store, which makes me happy. There is SUCH a difference between organic and non organic, that I hadn't really noticed before. But as I seem to get more and more sensitive to various foods, it's making a big difference. The apples and bananas I got from the regular grocery store tasted like complete crap. The ones I got from the HF store are amazing. The apples have a bright, vibrant, sweet taste that lasts and deepens. The bananas are a pure, full, lasting banana taste. Someone told me regular bananas are actually injected with things that keep them from ripening for longer than normal. Disgusting.

So, since they run out of things a lot, I got a whole bunch of both, delivered to my house today even, along with some organic chicken, so at least I have food for a while.

Today was New Year's Eve. I went to the health food store and got there by 5 for once. Gave my Trader Joe's truffles to M and J who liked them very much. It's almost more fun giving these things away than eating them. M said that they were so good they are dangerous because they hook you, and once they hook you , you can't get any more :) TJ only sells them once a year at the holidays, and of course there are no TJs around here. I suggested we should hand them out to the customers and she said then they'd be hooked and cause a riot because the sweetest thing in the store is the chocolate covered peanut butter cups and that just wouldn't do. Then they'd have to go to New Jersey to get more and I'd have to ask the New Jersey turnpike authority for 5% of their earnings because I sent everyone to NJ to get more. :)

Talked to my dad on the phone twice tonight, which was very nice, as I usually don't get to talk to him, and that was nice and enjoyable.

Watched the ball drop online with someone in an oldies chat room from North Dakota.
It is apparently very cold there.

Yes, it is 2009. I am trying to think of what to be thankful for in 2009 and how to conclude the past year that just ended. I decided I should be thankful that I was strong enough to get through all of the challenges and enormous struggles that I had in the past year. That is a good thing to be thankful for. I wish for more strength and courage to tackle obstacles in 2009.

Even though this year was another year of moving, at least it can be summed up far more quickly than last year! It was my dad's in Maine Jan-Feb; Vermont in March; Montana from April-November, and now here, New York. Hey, at least it's easy to remember, although it wasn't so easy to live; but enriched me with new experiences I would never have had otherwise.

It amuses me that Burlington was chosen the healthiest city in America. I think by the CDC. I think the title fits them very well. Huntington, WV (might have spelled that wrong), was named most unhealthy.

So, yeah here's to strength in 2009.

Also, this is the TWO MONTH ANNIVERSARY and the absolute RECORD for the longest I have ever lived in an apartment on my own. The longest before was two months. So as of midnight I have broken it. Now THAT'S something to celebrate! A lot of luck, a lot of planning, a lot of help, and a LOT of positive thinking, creative problem solving and perservarance have brought me to this point of being able to say that I have lasted this long, and plan to last a lot longer.

I would celebrate by eating something, but as you remember from before, all I have is chicken, apples and bananas, and I've rather exhausted my quotient of them for the day. I'll just have to celebrate by writing in this blog. And hopefully by some kind of good food my relatives bring who are hopefully coming this weekend. And, hell, maybe I'll have another banana. Ha.

I am trying, as you might have guessed, to be more healthy. I have stopped eating almost all pastries, breads, cookies, anything processed, anything fried (well that's been years), anything with chemicals in it.... Gosh, it's just amazing how much bad things there are in most foods!

Most of that is not a conscious choice; I just stopped eating it because it stopped tasting good. Some of it is harder, like sweet things that still taste good but seem to have adverse effects on my healthy, so while I am eating hardly any of them, I have not cut them completely out of my diet and am trying to.

My problem, of course, is what to replace the foods with. I need something that tastes good, is healthy, available, and that isn't hard to prepare or cook. Preferrably something that doesn't need cooking at all. I don't imagine there are a whole lot of foods that fall under that list? Sigh. Any suggestions? I would like to broaden my diet but am not sure how. But at least I'm trying . It's not much of a choice, though. If something makes you feel sick it's pretty damn easy not to eat it. You just kind of develop a natural aversion to the food. The only exception are the foods that I'm still not completely sure if they correlate to health problems, but am pretty sure they do, and still taste good. Currently that includes the chocolate truffles and rugelah that I love to death but had reactions after eating both, severe enough that I have avoided eating them since the first consumption, but still torture myself every night about how much I want to eat them and how the reactions might not have been related and how I should try them one more time to get the desire to eat them out of my sytem and find out for sure if it was caused by them. But then I think what could happen and manage not to eat them. Ugh.

At least I can get pleasure out of watching other people eat them. A said that the chocolates were the "most chocolatiest thing she had ever had in her mouth in her life" and she could only eat half of one. J said they were very good and he could only eat 2 at once. J also said they were extremely good and was very enthusiastic about it. M said she "ate one, then ate another, then ate another, and all she could say was "These are great." So I think it would be so much fun to have them in a bowl and give them to customers and gauge their reactions. Some probably wouldn't react, but some probably would. They are extremely good chocolates. Hey, maybe I should give some to the bakery and say "Here, this is what chocolate is supposed to taste like," lol.

When I was in the HF store yesterday, I got into a conversation with a man who runs a retreat center nearby. For transcendental meditiation. So I told him my TM joke about the Buddhist who goes to the dentist. And we got to talking for a bit. At the end of our convo, he mentioned that he goes to Woodstock, a town about an hour away with a much more hippie bohemian spirit and coffee shops and civilization etc, and that I could come along if I want. He goes there on Sundays to hang out at coffee shops. I don't believe there are any around here. Seattle this place ain't. So, that was really nice of him, and I don't believe I've had a conversation with a random stranger in my life that ended with them asking me if I wanted to do something with them or go somewhere with them, but it still presents problems. Obviously the biggest one is if I can go in his car, if it's scented or not. And the second biggest one is of course how to go to a town I've never been to and plan to spend a few hours when I have no idea if I can go into any of the shops or not, and the answer is much more likely than not that I can't. DRAT. And it's winter, hard to hang out outside, etc. If I can find some way around those obstacles, I would love to go.
I'll have to work on that.

A came over to give me toilet paper yesterday. She hasn't been to my apt since I moved in. When I heard her voice, I seriously could not place who it was at first. "There's a female voice calling out to me." "What? I don't get any visitors. I don't know anyone female. Ohhhhh, wait." lol. Talk about a surprise. I wasn't expecting her. I was actually just getting around to calling her to beg for toilet paper, so it worked well. And she helped me clean out all of the boxes and junk in my stairwell, which I probably never would have gotten around to, so that was good. I should really try to keep that area clean. I'm just not sure what to do with the boxes. Maybe I could just add them to the stack downstairs. Or put them in a trash bag, or something.

I managed to successfully call Medicare and sign up for Part D Prescription coverage. That felt good, as I didn't think I would be able to. I was on hold the previous night for 40 minutes trying to do it with no success, and there was only two days left of open enrollment. Whatever that means. Is there a such thing as closed enrollment? Sheesh. So yeah mission accomplished. I must say all missions are a hell of a lot easier when they can be done after 7 pm.

I spent days trying to order Seventh Generation toilet paper. It was such a hassle. You wouldn't believe it. Long story that involves two different companies and a lot of seeming incompetence and websites that can't seem to handle any user traffic. Anyway, it is supposed to come on Friday, and I hope it does.

Ugh, too many things to worry about, the no transportation thing is really annoying. I need something at the Shop Rite across town that I can't get, and trying not to worry too much about finding an alternative.

Okay, enough writing for now. Going to stop. At least I had a clear enough mind to write for once. I had to pretty much force myself to write the last entry and it took hours. I think it was brain fog from the rugelah as much as I don't want that to be true. Why do all the best tasting things in life have to be the ones the worst for you? It's so annoying.

Happy 2009. My mom's birthday is in 23 days. My birthday is in uh a month and 24 days.

I might have an MCS person visit me on January 20, so I have to call her and arrange that.

Okay. Time to do something else.

Kate