Saratoga Springs: All that Old Money Creates Beautiful Buildings

Okay, so it's a cheesy title but I couldn't really think of any other, so you will have to forgive my dig at Saratoga's old money culture.

I am in Ballston Spa, which is a small but pretty town about 8 min from Saratoga Springs, NY.
I have been here about two weeks.

The town is small but charming; the people very friendly. There is a small natural food store with an impressive variety and amount of stock for its space. Some cafes, gift shops, tea shops etc. A pleasant town. Small but pleasant. The house is large and more or less okay but it definitely has its problems, which I will not go into right now. The roommates have been pretty good more or less; I really like them overall; Good attitudes and spirits and people; but I am not quite enamored of it all 16 or so days into it as I was the first week; but I am hoping we can work out all problems. They're good people at heart there is no doubt; but as with all situations there are some kinks to work out.

Mostly, I have felt extremely disoriented, out of it, overwhelmed beyond belief, and have actually had a hellish two weeks. It is not anyone's fault, it is just the way it has been, problems adjusting, problems with a few things in the house I won't get into, not feeling well, struggling with and being frustrated by health issues, things like that. Everything up in the air and uncertain. I was starting to get majorly depressed, agitated and hopeless. I had no perspective and was paralyzed by fear and worry about all of the problems. I was getting to a breaking point.

But then, fortunately, as tends to happen, a light was shone my way to give me enough comfort and good feelings to survive and get through this and give me enough perspective to be able to feel more like I can handle my problems and less like going off the deep end.

I pushed myself to find a way to get out of the house and see the nearby town of Saratoga Springs, which I had heard such good things about and was much bigger. I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a driver and after a week, I finally found one that I was comfortable with and pushed myself to make arrangements to go out even though the weather has been crap. And boy, am I glad I did, I had a great time. I still feel kind of like crap now that I have gotten back to the house, but hey, at least I have this to hang on to right? Remember the good things.

So here is what I wrote which is somewhat disjointed but gets the feelings across.

Strength!

***
Epic of Saratoga Springs: All that Old Money Creates Beautiful Buildings
Subtitle: Finding Your Soulmate on Craigslist?

Saratoga is a beautiful city by any stretch of the means. When we left the house I looked aptly around me at the passing stores, and counted and cherished several Dunkin Donuts that we passed by. The quintessential sign of the East coast, a sign of home! When we got into Saratoga Springs, passing an entrance to the Saratoga State Park which looked interesting, we went the wrong way on Broadway and ended up in Malta. Ha, but we got to see a lot that way; mostly chain stores, but the trees lining each side of the street were absolutely beautiful! It was a very scenic drive. We passed the Saratoga Performing arts center, another state park entrance, some huge and very picturesque buildings and some more art type centers.

We finally made our way back to where we started and found the actual Saratoga downtown. Neither of us had been to Saratoga in a long time, me never and her not in two years. The first thing I saw was a huge clock on a beautiful huge stone building. The architecture in Saratoga is simply amazing. Everywhere there are absolutely huge beautiful stunning brick buildings that tower over you and have such color, shape, design; they are not your typical brick buildings. They have history and character to them and are a sight to behold.

We drove down the main street to see what was there. Broadway, which is the main street, is VERY long, and the shops seem to go on forever. It has everything you could need. We parked at one end and then split up to walk around and explore. It was so nice to feel like I was in a city again, that is, a city with a walkable downtown, that was big enough to enjoy but small enough to, well, enjoy as well. If that makes any sense. I have found that without exception, big cities DO NOT, ever, that I have seen, have consolidated walkable downtowns. Eugene, Philadelphia, Baltimore, etc; big cities are just not like that. You need smaller towns, especially it seems Northeast towns but I can't speak for the rest of the country, to have that blend of
independent, pedestrian friendly, slightly yuppie but still practical, downtown like stores.

Anyway, Saratoga has quite a selection, and a well balanced one if I may say so myself. Borders was at one end, one of the few Borders I have ever seen downtown instead of in a mall setting. Burlington was the only other town I have seen that had that. A nice mix of coffee shops - a huge one called Uncommon Grounds, a Starbucks, a couple others maybe- two crepe shops - two!!! - one really fancy one with uber fancy things on the menu, a Ben and Jerry's, a Cold Stone, the likes of which I haven't seen in ages; I think I counted two different dog specialty or gift shops; several other gift shops; several art galleries of different kinds; several really, really nice looking resteraunts. Casual as well as fancy but every single one looked of good quality. One thing that impressed me is I think just about EVERY SINGLE RESTERAUNT I passed had outdoor seating. Almost every one. That is practically unheard of. Comfortable, ample outdoor seating. More useful in warm weather but still. Also almost all of the resteraunts posted their menus outside, also very unusual. It was very fun to be able to read the menus and imagine what the food would taste like. Most of it I wouldn't eat anymore but it is still good to imagine. I saw a really fancy place with exorbitant prices. I saw Maine mussels and lots of seafood on the menus which reminded me I was on the East coast again; after MONTHS of reading menus in Oregon, I got used to just not seeing much seafood. The only thing they ever used to really have on Oregon menus was tuna. Almost never salmon, a staple on the east coast.

So, resteraunts, cafes, coffee shops, what else. I don't remember but a good mix of stuff. Took maybe about 90 minutes to walk from one end to the other and back, so a long street. Didn't go in anywhere but window shopped and looked and that was good enough. Beautiful, stunningly beautiful looking park called Congress Park at one end.

Oh, and there is one side street that looks a LOT like all of the numerous side streets in downtown Portland it made me all nostalgic and gave me a feeling of "rightness," it felt right, it felt like home, walking down this street that was so much like my old haunts in Portland. Only 1-2 side streets though. It went downhill like the ones in Portland often do.

The whole time I was walking arond and looking at menus I thought to myself, the only thing I would really eat is a ceaser salad, but I wanted some meat too, and the only kind of meat I'd eat would be some kind of steak, prefferably marinated steak strips in a ceaser. That, I thought on and off for the whole 90 mInutes, would be absolutely perfect. There is so much food I can't or won't do, and even fish has started bothering me, I can't do chicken, or any sweets, it was damn freaking depressing to think of how much I COULDN'T eat. But you never see anything like that on menus, marinated steak strips I havent seen on a menu almost ever, too much to hope for. I also would have gone for grilled veggies. Anyway I had given up, walked literally from one end to the other and back, and I was standing back where I had started from. Which happened to be a resteraunt called Circus Cafe with a huge outdoor menu that I realized I hadn't read yet. And what do you know, THEY HAD BOTH A CEASER AND A SALAD WITH MARINATED STEAK STRIPS. Seperately but I asked if I could have the steak on a ceaser, and if I could do to go, and they said yes.

So I got it, and Eliza and I, who I hired to do driving for me, sat in the car to wait, and got a nice surprise when the hostess actually CAME TO OUR CAR to deliver the food. She said she saw us driving there and there was no reason both of us should be cold so she came to give to us. So very nice, she was!

It was amazing and stunningly good. I realized I hadnt had a good ceaser salad in a VERY LONG time, and I realizd that I love a good ceaser more than almost anything in the world. The west coast simply does not know how to do a ceaser. Every ceaser I have gotten in eiher Montana or Oregon has been very mediocre. MT's were a joke and a half and OR's were just mediocre, okay but not great. This was the real thing, the flavor burst in your mouth and satisfied every cell in the body. The steak strips were great, so flavorful, melt in your mouth, the flavor and texture also satisfying beyond belief. Together they were great. It was so good to be able to get a decent resteraunt meal for the first time in ages and for decent price. Wouldnt do often but good treat after two very difficult, trying first weeks here.

Eliza pulled over to the street and we sat for an hour eating and talking. She put the heat on high and I got some tea to warm my hands because we were freezing. It was really cold out. Eliza is simply amazing. I got lucky. Eliza does not like chemicals or fragrances which is why I chose her. But little did I know we have so much else in common too. On the way over she used two Jewish words in 15 minutes! She actually said the word "chotsky." Twice. I felt so at home. Only my grandparents ever use that word. And she said Oy! I asked if she was Jewish. No, but she was adopted into a Jewish home. How cool. She also has relatives in Maine - get this - in Yarmouth and Cape E. The town next to where I grew up! She said she would be interested in going to visit relatives sometime if I split gas, which would be amazing. But the most amazing thing that I am having issues writinf about I dont know why is I discovered she is an Aspie too. How do I describe? We slowly discovered we think the same way, process the same way, experience the world the same way. I did NOT bring up Asperger's. I did not force the topic like I so often do. But she was laughing about the way she does things and mentioned "Oh I think I have some autism in me." We kept noticing we did the same quirks. Not being able to multitask, being distractable, having a million thoughts go through your head at onc etcf. We were both playing w/ our phones trying to put each other's names in, both having trouble, both making like "thinking noises" to try to complete the task, we were like the mirror image of each other.

We talked about various things while eating dinner but it wasn't till we got home that somehow the Aspie topic really came up. And let me just tell you I have spent four years , four years, trying to meet every single Aspie I could in every city I have been to. I have been to Aspie groups in several cities. I have always searched for that one person who was like me who I could relate to more than anything,who it wasn't so much work to be around . I have sadly never found that person really, I have found people I get along with and like but never the person with the je ne sais quoi who was like me.

Eliza is that person. It is almost overwhelming to think about. I wanted to writer every word of our convrsation down so I would not forget it. I need to remember.

This will be disjointed because it is how I remember it:

Transitions - needing to program the brain to stop one activity before starting another, manually oil the brain - she said YES, she needs to do that too, and would get really overwhelmed before she figured it out, and figured it out really late in life.

Needing to stop talking some time and just breathe to relax before continuing - time outs - she says she wants to do this but can never remember; her former boyfriend did it and she admired it; she said it is good to be around me as it will remind her to do it

She kept saying this is amazing, this is amazing to meet you and have so much in common, this is so great, and I said the same thing.

Multitasking, and brain gets involved in one thing and can't switch to other, both of us

Uneven abilities, good at uncommon stuff, bad at common stuff, both of us; creative problem solving; I told her about the 9s on my cell phone not working and using the 9s in th recieved calls to rearrange the digits to make calls w/ 9s and she said "Of course you do; that makes perfect sense! To US. Not to anyone else but to us."

The struggle to accept yourself and stay true to yourself in thr face of opposition and criticism and so on. This was very hard for her as well as for me. School was hard for me as for her.

Research - she did a lot of research and reading on AS, ADD and other conditions to try to figure out what her difference was. She was familiar with Donna Williams, the neurodiversity movement, etc. Seems like she deals with problems a similar way I do, in trying to research the hell out of them.

There were so, so, so many times when one or the other of us would literally gasp with pleasure and disbelief at hearing the other person say exactly what we were thinking or feeling. It was that good. We kept putting words to the other's feelings, and that is something I treasure more than anything in life, the feeling of being understood. She told me I did a good job describing some things that she felt but couldn't articulate.

She was so understanding and accepting of the chemical sensitivity stuff. She paid for the stuff for me in the health food store without me even having to ask when I had trouble with something in there; I started to say I had trouble and she offered, etc.

Even down to stretching, we were talking about things we did in public that embarassed or used to embarass people we were with, and I gave stretching as an example, and she gasped as apparently she does it too!

Both of us have been told by people that we use too many big words and sound too intellectual and even superior when we are certainly not trying to do that.

She started to talk about how it is a different kind of loneliness, one that is really hard to deal with, I dont remember, and I gasped because that is EXACTLY what i was reading and weriting about last night. I told her about the stuff I was reading. So tired by that point - both of us were so tired we were losing our words but wanted to continue anyway.

And the biggest thing - for four years I have been aware that while I am a textbook AS case in almost every way there are two glaring exceptions. Empathy and emotions. Now it is not true that AS people do not have empathy; we just express it in differemnt ways. But that said I am more about , expressive of and requiring of , it seems, overt empathy than most Aspies. And I am CERTAINLY more emotional and animated than most Aspies. In fact I have really never met an Aspie even half as emotional or animated as me. Most Aspies as a rule seem to have a pretty flat affect. The person who diagnosed me said I was Aspiue anyway but I havw alays wonderd. Anyway she said the EXACT SAME THING. That she thought all the symptoms of AS fit her exactly except for those two things. I have never, ever met an emotional, animated, empathic, high functioning, intelligent Aspie before. No offense to all the wonderful Aspies I have met. But. It was like the missing piece.

So all said and done we were together for about seven hours! 4pm we left and she didnt leave the house till 11. We got to SS around 5 or so (got a little lost, ha), wandered till 7 or 730, ate to around 830, drove around for an hour or so till 930 to talk more, and sat in the car for another hour when getting there talking.

So then I/we were faced with an interesting quandary. I hired her to do driving for me, but we ended up friends and spent so much time talking and being together - how much to pay her? We hadn't set a price for the non driving time, such as when I was walking around SS, but agreed it would be less. So I asked her how much she thought would be fair and she said she didn't know, asked me. I threw out the price of $20 figuring a couple hours pay would be fair and she said that was what she was thinking too. So good. Had been a bit worried about how we would do it. $20 for a wonderful evening and a new friend, for seven hours of enjoyment? Not bad at all!

I asked her again to make sure she felt the price was fair, since we had agreed on an hourly rate and this obviously didn't cover it (the time we were talking etc) and said, "Well, it wasn't really work, it was a joy!"

I like being a joy to someone.

She said it was serendipity that we met, things work for a reason etc. I think I made a new friend. How cool is that.

Also she offered to give me an offgassed space heater she wasn't using which I very much need and some throw blankets she is not using, easing my worries about two things at least.

So thank God I got to write this as I needed to get my thoughts out and couldn't. There are so many challenges, so many beyond belief. Before tonight I was absolutely immoblized and paralyzed by fear and worry of all my problems. But for a few hours I found something to be happy about and it gives me something to live for, to look forward to, and to motivate me to work outmy problems for thesake of having this thing.

So somehow I need to be strong and work out the problems one by one. They are not unsolveable, I hope. And remember hey happiness is possible. Patience.

I did not get to go to Donna's and see the Maverick Music place where I may volunteer or even be able to be paid for doing some work for her in a chemically safe environment. Would be wonderful to have work to occupy my time, a friend to be with, a driver when I needed it. If I could just figure out these house, weather, and roommate problems, if I could start feeling secure here, I think a lot of good things would come my way. I think I could have alife worth living. But we will see.

Also I was able to wear my clean clothes today so that is a good thing. So far anyway. So many problems left, and it's so cold in here and I am so worried about that, but I have to remember to be strong. Problems will be solved if given enough time. It is worth waiting for, i hope.

She mentioned a small studio house attached to her house. Later on after the friendship develops more I should ask her about it ad the possibility of renting it. I am not sure if it is just a workshop or is inhabitable to livein. I won't get my hopes up, though.

At least tonight I got some hope. Even if everything else is bad, even i the room is cold and something is making me feel ick, even if whatever, I got some hope today.

Oh and she reallt liked my rice crackers. We shared them! I put them in between us in the car seats and we shared them while pouring ou the details of my life. I didnt even have to use verbal language to offer them. I put them between us and she said "May I" in between other stuff and I siad yes and she did but we did it so quickly and in between other speech it was just nice it was nice to share something wioh someone too.

I still feel foggy and out of it and felt liek that even when with her but I still have to remember and appreciate all the good wonderful things rhat happened.

Ok - bed soon and strength for the challenhes of tomorrow.